Simon Crisp: April 2009 Archives

200x190.jpgTwo-year-old Elise Tan-Roberts has become the youngest ever member of brainy society Mensa.

The little brain-box from London first spoke at just five months, was walking by eight months and could recognise her written name by the age of one.

Now at 2 years and four months old her IQ has been tested by child psychologists who say they were blown away by her brightness.

Elise has an estimated IQ of 156, that puts her in the top two percent in the country and is even better than TV clever-clogs Carol Vorderman.

Her proud parents just hope that when she is six she won't need help with her homework ... they are not up to speed on their astro physics.

200x190.jpgParrots, a poorly python and needing a pee are some of the worst excuses used to challenge parking tickets, it has been revealed.

The Traffic Penalty Tribunal - which decides appeals against parking penalties - has published the list as part of its annual report.

Last year they had 27 plumbers complain about being ticketed, 44 ticketed pizza delivery people and countless other s who were watching a pantomime, eating a picnic or going for a pee.

Other barmy excuses included a man who said a parrot had knocked his ticket from the dashboard and another who said his pet python was poorly.

You may have spotted a trend here, it's because TPT bosses say there are so many odd excuses used each year they have just highlighted the ones beginning with the letter p. Well why not?

Pranksters install swings on a train

200x190.jpgA team of pranksters in San Francisco have made the post-work commute more fun this week ... by installing swings in train carriages.

On Monday evening the team jumped onboard one of the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) trains and began setting up the impromptu playground.

Three matching red swings were fastened to bars at the top of the carriages before the group go off at the next station, leaving the swings hanging.

Travelers on the north-bound train from 24th Street station seemed to enjoy their new swings ... well it sure beats doing a Sudoku and trying to avoid making eye-contact with the drunk opposite doesn't it.

200x190.jpgA new design of pizza box which breaks down into serving plates and a storage container for left overs, has been launched in the US.

Makers say their 'Green Box' is specially created to be more eco-friendly
because it performs a dual purpose and is easier to dispose of.

Pizza-lovers start by ripping along the patented perforations and scores in the top of the box to create the 'plates'.

They then perform a basic bit of origami to convert the bottom into a handy storage box which fits into all fridges.

Personally I am waiting for them to come up with a pizza box which is made out of pizza. Mmmm packaging.

200x190.jpgScientists have analyzed 35 million online photographs to discover the world's most photographed landmarks.

Using a supercomputer to wade through geo-tagged photos from 300,000 Flickr users they were able to produce lists of the most pictured cities and landmarks.

While New york was the most photographed city it was London and Paris which dominated the landmark charts taking up the top six positions.

The Eiffel Tower was the most snapped, followed by Trafalgar Square, Tate Modern, Big Ben, Notre Dame and The London Eye.

Bizarrely the Apple Store in Manhattan was the 28th-most photographed place in the world, that's fanboys for you.

200x190.jpgA group of dopey drug growers were busted after a smoke alarm went off in their cannabis factory and neighbours called for the fire brigade.

When firefighters arrived at the house in Lancashire they found rooms filled with a thick and distinctive smelling smoke.

After tackling the flames with a dry powder extinguisher they discovered the rooms were full of cannabis plants and called in the police.

A spokesperson for Lancashire police said powerful ultra-violet lights used to boost the plants growth had overloaded a socket and started the fire.

Luckily the cannabis growers were more worried about their stash burning than ending up in prison ... either that us they were too high to think about taking the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

200x190.jpgA Dutch park near Amsterdam has installed a series of signs which point out the areas where gay men regularly have sex.

Bosses in Slotervaart say it was easier to warn people where the gay sex takes place in the park, than try to stop it.

While having sex in public is against the law - even in Holland - they say it has been going on at De Oeverlanden park for so long is has become tolerated.

The park is said to be such a hotspot for gay sex that homosexuals from across the Netherlands and elsewhere in Europe go there to pick up sex partners.

Now information signs now point out what can be expected in different zones so they are not taken by surprise, so to speak.

Astronomers see oldest space object

200x190.jpgAstronomers say they have spotted the oldest and most distant object ever seen from earth.

Using the NASA Swift satellite they saw a burst of energy from a dying star over 13.1 billion light years away.

Than means the 10 second event - catchily dubbed GRB 090423 - happened when the universe was only 630 million years old, less than five percent its present age.

NASA astrophysicist Neil Gehrels  said: "The incredible distance to this burst exceeded our greatest expectations, it was a true blast from the past."

Yeah, we think he had been waiting a few years to use that line too.

200x190.jpgA medical student has launched a range of 'no wash' underwear which he claims is ideal for wearing in hospital.

Rob Libfeld said he came up with the idea after noticing how many of his patients were embarrassed about the soiled condition of their underwear.

His ingenious solution was a pair of underwear that's yellow in the front and brown in the back, meaning stains don't show. There is however what he calls the "odor factor."

The 29-year-old inventor says "No Smell Underwear' is selling well and that the sweet smell of success is not far away. Rob, we don't think that is success, how long have you been wearing those boxers?

200x190.jpgThe relatively unknown founder of a web forum responsible for giving the internet Rickrolling and LOLcats is now 'officially' the world's most influential person.

Moot, the man behind, has taken the title in the prestigious poll, though organisers suspect foul play.

The 21-year-old - real name Christopher Poole - received more than 16 million votes, more than Barrack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Oprah Winfrey combined.

Time bosses detected several attempts to hack the system, but Moot denies any involvement so they gave him the title anyway.

A spokesperson then added the backhanded comment: "I would remind anyone who doubts the results that this is an Internet poll, doubting the results is kind of the point."

200x190.jpgA miniature pig called William has found an unusual friend in a giant white rabbit.

The pair have become best buddies at Pennywell Farm in Devon and spend most of their time together.

Bosses at the farm attraction say the friendship developed after ten-week-old William was moved into a pen next to the rabbits.

He instantly took a shine to floppy-eared Charles - who is double his size -  and now whenever they are let out, he follows him around.

200x190.jpgA new vending machine has been released which can print any book within minutes.

The Espresso Book Machine has access to 500,000 different books - the same as 23.6 miles of shelf space - and can even churn out a fresh copy of Crime and Punishment in just nine minutes.

Pages are printed at a rate of over 100 per minute and are then pressed, glued and cut to produce a pristine book.

Users simply pick the book they would like on a screen and wait for it to be printed ... it certainly is a novel way of getting a new book.

Non-soggy tomatoes launched in the UK

200x190.jpgIt's the curse of anyone else who packs a sandwich to eat later in the day – tomatoes that end up making your sarnie soggy.

But a UK supermarket says it has sourced the world's first non-leaking tomatoes, just in time for picnic season.

The non-leaking tomatoes have been grown in Holland and are the result of 23-year tomato seed breeding programme that began in 1986.

Boffins tested more than 100 varieties before developing the tomato which holds its shape even when sliced, baked or diced.

Lab tests (I know!) showed that less than one per cent of moisture is lost when the non-leaking tomato is sliced and only three per cent seeps into the bread 12 hours after the sandwich is made.

200x190.jpgLibrary bosses in Kent say a cat has become their most regular visitor after sneaking in every day for two years.

When staff first saw the black cat walk through the door they tried to put him back outside, but as they turned around he ran back in again.

Soon they gave up at let him prowl the aisles of books, now he can often be found sunning himself in his favourite blue chair and is such a dedicated customer he frequently arrives before staff open up.

Fidel - an eight-year-old former rescue cat - leaves when he sees his owners get home from work or when they come into the library to collect him and take him home for his dinner.

The librarians think Fidel sits in the window of the library gallery so that he can see when his owners return to their nearby home ... either that or he is studying their cat-aloging system.

Plane photo shoot angers New York

When New Yorkers saw a low flying Boeing 747 and F-16 jet circling overhead they feared the worst.

But they needn't have worried, it wasn't another terrorist attack ... it was a presidential photo shoot.

The planes were circling overhead for over 30 minutes in a bid to get a photo of Air Force One with the Statue of Liberty in the background.

President Barack Obama is said to have been furious at hearing that New York officials had not been warned ... that and he quite fancied a aerial tour of the city.

200x190.jpgAn artist has created a set of vinyl figures which he hopes will encourage more people to donate their organs.

David Foox came up with the idea for his 'Organ Donors' collection - dolls which have hearts, lungs, eyeballs and brains for heads - after a family member had a double lung transplant.

While 'Uncle Ken' survived the op, David wanted to use his art to draw attention to organ donation and started work on the 24 doll collection.

The £10 figures come in 'blind boxes' meaning the buyer does not know what they have got until they open it ... and their gory nature could leave surprised heart attack victims needing a transplant.

200x190.jpgVisitors to Kew Gardens are being invited to steer clear of get up close to one of the world's smelliest flowers this week.

Titan Arum flower is said to be the world's worst smelling plant when it flowers once every seven years and its stomach-churning odor has even earned it the name 'corpse flower' in Indonesia.

But bosses at Kew Gardens think visitors will be flocking to smell some of their 12 Titan Arum which are due to flower - and smell - this week.

In the wild the unpleasant smell attracts flesh-eating beetles which get trapped and covered in pollen as they try to escape.

At Kew Gardens it is hoped the unpleasant smell will attract tourists who will get trapped in the shop and buy Kew branded books and gifts.

Wind-up vibrator gives greener orgasms

200x190.jpgA vibrator powered by a hand crank (no pun intended) has gone on sale as the world’s first wind-up sex toy.

Makers say the 'Earth Angel Vibrator' is made from recycled materials and can give an hour of eco-gasmic power for 8 minutes of cranking.

Users wind a built-in handle to charge the £65 device and can select from 4 speeds of vibration or store the energy for another time.

One user said: "It feels good to be doing my bit for the environment and now my husband doesn't keep asking what we need all the batteries for when we are at the supermarket."

Top 5 annoying email habits - LOL!

200x190.jpgSHOUTING IN CAPS, big mailing lists and missing subject lines are some of the email habits we find most annoying, a poll found.

But it was text speak like LOL and BTW which riled people most and toped the list compiled by Yahoo!

Now the company has worked with etiquette expert Jean Broke-Smith to produce a emailing guide for users of their mail service.

A spokesperson for Yahoo said: "Email may have taken over from verbal communication, but when it comes to sending electronic messages there is a distinct lack of etiquette."

It's funny that all the spam emails I get offering me Viagra and a fake Rolex seem to be quite polite, but the one from my mates which break these rules.

300 'naked' actors descend on London

200x190.jpgHundreds of actors wearing 'naked' bodysuits gave London a rude wake-up call yesterday morning.

Rush-hour commuters initially thought there was a mass nude protest with the 300-strong gathering covering their modesty with matching scarfs.

But on closer inspection they realised the group were wearing naked body suit, some even with faux pubic hair attached.

They were there to promote the launch of the new Peugeot 308, but to be honest people had lost interest at soon as they found out they weren't really naked.

200x190.jpgMore attractive students and those with better grooming habits, get better grades at school, it has been found.

A study by the University of Miami looked at the test results for a range of high-school pupils and then rated their attractiveness, grooming and personality.

They found that as a general rule the more attractive students did better, but it was those who combined this with good grooming that got the top grades.

Led by Prof Michael French the researchers noted: "The findings suggest that some degree of teacher bias is present in favor of, or against certain types of students."

So what they are saying is some students could have such bad BO that their teachers can't stand to go near them.

Rapper performs news stories as songs

200x190.jpgRappers normally rap about things like gang violence or money ... current affairs is not normally high on the list.

But a one rapper from Westville says his own life was too mundane to sing about so he looked at news websites and broadcasts instead.

JournalRhythm, 25, finds the most interesting news stories he can and posts his songs online, his videos and MP3s have now been downloaded by thousands of fans.

The Eminem fan - who enjoys funny news stories - says he would like to make it as a rapper or as TVs first newsreaders.

Personally I would like to see Jeremy Paxman giving it a go on News Night.

200x190.jpgCity bosses in Birmingham have announced plans to make one of their most notorious pieces of architecture visible from space.

As part of a £6 billion makeover of the city they will illuminate Spaghetti Junction, a giant 1970s concrete interchange.

They hope the lights could be switched on as early as next year and will consult with The Highways Agency to ensure they do not dazzle motorists.

Clive Dutton, director of planning at Birmingham City Council, said: "What a thrill it would be to think that astronauts in space would be able to look down on earth and spot Spaghetti Junction glowing at night."

Yeah, I'm sure there will be plenty of astronauts who can't wait for their next flight just so they can catch a glimpse of Gravelly Hill Interchange.

Sexting teens could be jailed

200x190.jpgTeenagers who send each other saucy images of themselves on their mobile phones risk ending up in prison, they have been warned.

Legal experts claim that even by sending images or videos they have taken of themselves, teens could be charged with child pornography offenses.

The warning comes on the back of research in which 22 percent of teenage girls and 18 percent of boys admitted sending nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves.

Patrick Roberts of Roberts Law Group said: "By sending these illicit images, teens may be found in violation of the very laws that were written to protect them.

"Unfortunately, just as text messaging is predominately the domain of teens and tweens, so to is sexting," ... sounds like someone wants his partner to send him some saucy pics.

200x190.jpgPolice say they are confused as to why a live shark was dumped on the doorstep of an Australian newspaper.

The Port Jackson shark had been left outside the offices of The Warrnambool Standard in southeast Victoria on Tuesday night.

A local resident found the shark and contacted police who put it in a bucket and later released it into the sea.

The 70cm shark is said to have swam off and is not thought to have been injured.

A spokesperson for the newspaper said they did not know why they were sent the shark ... apparently it didn't have a little card like a bunch of flowers.

200x190.jpgA dare-devil skydiver has completed his most dangerous jump ... into an active volcano.

Valery Rozov jumped from a 3300m high helicopter above the Mutnovsky volcano on Russia's Kamchatka Peninsula and guided himself inside.

The 44-year-old was wearing a special winged suit to control his fall and only pulled his parachute at the last moment before landing on a sheet of ice in the middle of the simmering crater.

Rozov had to be quickly pulled out of the volcano as poisonous gases in the steam could have killed him ... how many near death experiences can one man want in day?

200x190.jpgForming an illusionary relationship with characters from TV shows can drive away feelings of loneliness and rejection, it has been found.

Psychologists say 'making friends' with the fictional character can give us a real boost, even after being rejected by friends or family members.

Researcher from the University at Buffalo tested 700 to see how feelings of loneliness were impacted by watching TV.

They found that if the viewer felt like they had a personal relationship with people on screen then they could develop a feeling of comfort and belonging.

This means that soaps like EastEnders could make people feel better about their lives ... the researchers have obviously never watched it.

How cyber-ants pick a new home

200x190.jpgBoffins have attached tiny radio transmitters to the backs of ants to study  how they select a new nest.

The bugs - the ones on the rock ants back - measured just one two-thousandth the size of a postage stamp and were fitted by researchers at Bristol University.

They were then able to watch on a computer how the ants chose between two nest sites, a poor nest nearby and a better quality one further away.

Ants which found the poor nest first tended to carry on looking while those which came across the good one were more likely to settle there straight away.

On hearing the news the BBC are said to be considering commissioning a new ant-based series of 'To Buy or Not to Buy' given that no one is buying real homes at the moment.

200x190.jpgThe steering wheel is made of carrots and the breaks from ground cashew nuts ... but this racing car can still do over 150mph.

This eco-car has been created by boffins at Warwick University and is the first competitive F3 racing car built using sustainable parts.

Components made from plants form the mainstay of the car, potatoes were used to produce the bodywork and the WorldFirst racecar even runs on a mixture of chocolate and vegetable oils.

Designers hope to soon see some of their eco-technology used by F1 teams like Brawn GP and Ferrari ... and not just in their salad bar.

200x190.jpgBudget airline Ryanair have announced they could introduce a 'fat tax' for overweight passengers.

Under the plans, podgy passengers would be charged extra to fly. The airline claims this could reduce the average ticket price for more svelte fliers.

Ryanair say the fee would be dependent on how overweight a passenger was though they are still looking at ways of measuring this.

Options include charging per kg over obesity weight, charging per inch over set waist sizes, or my favorite, doubling the flight fee if a passengers waist touches both armrests simultaneously.

200x190.jpgA UK city is to plant thousands of fruit trees and vegetable patches to help residents during the recession.

Council bosses hope the move - where fruit and veg will be planted in all of Manchester's 135 public parks - will get people eating healthily.

Vegetable patches, beehives and fruit trees will all be setup as part of the £200,000 scheme with members of the public told to help themselves.

A spokesperson for the council said the plan would put a fruit or vegetable patch within walking distance of every Mancunian and was introduced because some children did not know where their food comes from.

Sure they do, it's the supermarket isn't it?

Big error on longest US place name sign

200x190.jpgSpelling errors on signs to Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg in the US are to be fixed after locals noticed they had been wrong for years.

City bosses from Webster, Massachusetts say signs of the 45-character name had an 'o' instead of a 'u' at letter 20 and a 'h' where an 'n' should be at letter 38.

The name comes from the local Nipmuck tribe and means "Englishmen at Manchaug at the fishing place at the boundary although."

It is the longest place name in the United States and 6th longest in the world ... and a nightmare for map makers.

200x190.jpgIf you think your memory will get worse with age, it probably will, claim scientists.

Researchers found OAPs who think older people will perform poorly on tests of memory are actually much worse at remembering things.

A team from North Carolina State University tested the memory of a group of 60-82-year-olds who were also quizzed about how they thought aging effected memory.

They found senior citizens with preexisting negative stereotypes - or those who were told older people do poorly - had the worst memories.

Seniors who couldn't remember if they thought memories got worse with age were excluded from the sample.

200x190.jpgTwo teams of British cricketers this morning took part in the world's highest match ... on the side of Mount Everest.

50 cricket-mad explorers spent nine days trekking through the Himalayas to Everest Base Camp at a plateau of 5,165m.

Once on the frozen lakebed they got out their cricket gear and were very happy not to hear the sentence "Ball? I thought you were bringing the ball"

They played a full match setting a new world record for the highest altitude ever recorded for a field sport ... not that it is an overly contested title.

The 'no gym' Al Qaeda workout

200x190.jpgA magazine aimed at would-be terrorists has launched an 'Al Qaeda workout' to get readers fighting fit.

The online mag 'Jihad Recollections' - which includes comments from hate preachers and articles on weapons - launched the workout guide because it says readers should not be going to the gym.

Instead it advises Bin Laden followers to use their own weight and equipment to get into shape, so they could continue to do so on the front line of a battle.

The article adds that gyms are are not Islamic environments and not fit for the Mujahid (holy warriors) because they are full of semi-naked women.

If anyone from Jihad Recollections is reading this could you let me know which gym this is because mine is full of fat older women?

Even fish can suffer from seasickness

200x190.jpgScientists have discovered that even fish can get seasick ... but only by performing a bizarre experiment on them.

German boffins loaded a mini aquarium - containing 49 fish - onto a plane which then nosedived towards the earth to simulate the loss of gravity.

As a result some of the fish became disoriented, lost their sense of balance, and started swimming around aimlessly in circles.

The team, led by zoologist Dr Reinhold Hilbig, said this shows fish can become seasick if they lose eye contact with water movement and are exposed to excessive vibrations.

He went on to say that in the wild such 'seasick' fish would be incapable of fleeing from danger and become prey for others ... yeah, but they are not often loaded onto plummeting planes in the wild are they?

Extreme golf shot ... off a 430m cliff

200x190.jpgThis is the hardest golf shot in the world, from the top of a 430m mountain, over a forest and onto the green below.

But should any golfer be able to make what has been dubbed 'the Everest of golf shots' with a hole in one they will pocket a prize of $1million (£660,000).

The Extreme 19th hole is part of the Legend Golf and Safari Resort in South Africa on the top of the impressive Hanglip Mountain.

At 587m it is the longest Par 3 in the world and balls take 30 seconds to to reach the green from the 430m mountain tee.

Don't expect to get there on a golf buggy either, the tee is accessible only by an helicopter ride.

200x190.jpgMany parents say their children are addicted to playing computer games, now  scientists agree almost 1 in 10 are.

Psychologists tested over 1,000 youngsters against standards established for pathological behavior finding that 8.5 percent are clinically addicted to computer games.

Researchers from Iowa State University found playing games like GTA and Mario can cause the same family, social or psychological damage as other addictions.

They compared respondents' gaming habits to the symptoms established used to measuer pathological gambling and gamers were classified as "pathological" if they exhibited at least six of 11 symptoms.

Gamers who asked if they could meet the researchers for a quest on World of Warcraft before partaking in the study were automatically put on the addicted list.

200x190.jpgPolice have given convicted criminals a TV-style computer makeover to show them how much they will age while in prison.

Computer software was use to digitally age gang bosses Colin Joyce and Lee Amos to show how the pair will look by the time they are released in 2048 and 2044.

The pictures will now be displayed on billboards across Manchester where their Gooch Close Gang sold drugs, guns and were involved in several killings.

Officers hope the posters will also encourage more witnesses of crime to come forward... and warn would-be criminals there is no moisturiser in prison.

Walk-in cocktail opens in London

200x190.jpgA walk-in cocktail has opened in London where just entering the bar could get you drunk.

Gin and tonic vapours are pumped into the air at Alcoholic Architecture where visitors pay £5 each to spend an hour inside the breathable cocktail.

The interior is decorated to look like a giant cocktail glass with huge limes, massive straws and a soundtrack of liquid being poured over ice cubes.

Visitors are advised to wear protective suits to prevent the smell getting into their clothes and even without a drink they will leave feeling tipsy.

It is not known if heavy breathers will be treated as binge-drinkers and kicked out.

Ask Jeeves brings back the butler

200x190.jpgInternet search engine has reintroduced it's quintessentially English butler - an icon of the dotcom boom - after ditching him in 2006.

Bosses of the site, which will revert to its original name of "Ask Jeeves" claim he was brought back due to public demand.

Jeeves has undergone a 3D makeover, complete with a Gieves and Hawkes suit, and even has profiles on social networking sites Facebook and Twitter.  

It is hoped a TV multimillion pound advertising campaign will get more people asking Jeeves questions ... just don't ask him "Why are you not as good as Google?"

Scientists: Beer goggles don't exist

200x190.jpgMen can no longer use 'beer goggles' as an excuse for regretted conquests, scientists claim the effect does not exist.

A study to test the effect even found that drinking alcohol made men find women as less attractive.

Researchers from the University of Leicester got 240 men - half who had been drinking - to view digitally-altered images of females.

Their comments on age and attractiveness found that the alcohol made no difference to the perception of age but did make them find women less attractive.

So next time your mate tells you how he went to bed with a supermodel but woke up next to a minger, remind him he thought she looked even worse the night before.

200x190.jpgA swimwear company has designed a range of swimming trunks which they claim do for men's groins what the Wonderbra did for women's breasts.

The trunks give a boost to the male anatomy so that even when emerging from a cold sea in wet lycra swimming trunks your modesty is kept intact.

'Rooster Boosters' work by the wearer slipping a patented padded cup into a pocket at the front of the swimshorts, specially designed to enhance the shape of their penis.

Makers say the cup also offers additional comfort to men who will be able to select from a variety of padding sizes ... I'm guessing XXL will be a best seller.

Snails test new anti-depressant drugs

200x190.jpgScientists say tests on snail hearts could hold the key to developing new anti-depressant drugs.

A team from La Trobe University in Australia found that when a snail finds a good spot for food, hormones like serotonin begin circulating and hearts beating.

Serotonin is used by anti-depressant manufacturers to quieten the human, brain but the boffins say human tissue to test on is hard to come by.

They will now study how a snail heart copes so well with the onslaught of serotonin as it works in much the same way as humans.

Dr Gibson has not said if drugs would also be designed to produce happier snails, but a couple of leafs seem to do the trick anyway.

200x190.jpgA number of police officers in Scotland have claimed to be Jedi on official forms, it has been revealed.

Eight officers with Strathclyde Police stated their religion is Jedi - the same as Luke Skywalker - when filling in diversity monitoring forms.

The Star Wars religion is said to have over 400,000 followers in the UK and there are expected to be officers with most police forces.

While eight Jedi police out of over 8,000 officers employed by Strathclyde may not sound too many remember they are used to battling the evil Empire.

One Jedi officer said: "We are trying to ensure peace and justice throughout the Galactic Republic, we are just starting with Strathclyde."

200x190.jpgBoffins have created an atomic clock so accurate it will only lose one second every 300 million years.

They did it after being annoyed with the previous accuracy record holding clock ... which lost around TWO seconds every 30 million years.

Researchers at the University of Colorado started a 'traditional' atomic clock which consists of gas atoms captured in a magnetic field.

They then added a laser beam which freezes the atoms at -273 degrees Celsius - making an improved pendulum effect and better clock.

The scientists say they dream of producing a perfectly accurate clock ... and a world in which no-one is ever late for a meeting.

200x190.jpgA council has started using a herd of cows to move on a gang of anti-social bikers.

Hampshire County Council has placed eight cows in some of their playing fields which were being plagued by youngsters on motorbikes.

They hope the moo-ve will deter the bikers who should find it difficult to ride around the bovine obstacles.

But residents say the plan is udderly ridiculous because it also stops children from playing football on pitches in the same fields.

And with only eight cows in the the herd they don't even have enough players to make up a full team.

Newspapers get tasty with lickable ink

200x190.jpgSpecial inks could soon be used in newspapers which would allow printers to make pages smell and taste of different foods.

Makers claim Taste-It Notes - peel-and-taste strips which can be added to a page and dissolve on a readers tongue - could revolutionize newspapers.

US Ink say flavors could be used to match articles or adverts and the ink strips can be made to replicate most smells and tastes.

I always enjoy reading a newspaper while eating breakfast so the idea of a paper that tastes of a bacon sandwich hold obvious appeal.

200x190.jpgA French bus driver claims she was sacked from her job of 13 years because she did not drive over and kill a frog.

The diver had stopped her  double decker in Regensburg, Germany after spotting a frog in the middle of the road and not wanting to kill it.

She got out, picked up the frog and took it to the side of the road before getting back in her bus and continuing her route.

But an irate passenger complained to bus bosses at RBO that she should not have saved the frog and 46-year-old Christina Pommerel was called in for a meeting.

She was sacked after being told she should have carried on driving and squashed the frog ... and presumably then stopped picked up the body and cooked it for dinner.

Astronauts to grow vegetables on moon

200x190.jpgThe US boffins have designed mini space greenhouses which they claim could be the key to people living on the moon.

Bosses at Paragon plan to work with NASA to land the 1.5 ft tall devices - containing flowers and hardy brassica vegetables - on the moon by 2012.

Brassica veg like sprouts and cabbages were picked because they go from seed to flower in 14 days, completing their life cycle within a single lunar night.

Astronauts have said they want better air filtration systems put in place on the space station before sprouts become a regular feature of their space diet.

Pub toilet website isn't crap

200x190.jpgA website rating British pub toilets has become a surprise online hit. started out as a bit of fun for a group of pub enthusiasts who were concerned about the state of our pub loos.

They uploaded pictures from their mobile phones and reviews based on the character, decor and history of the toilet.
While it may sound like a crap idea the site was soon receiving over 10,000 web visitors per month and the team started feeling flush with success.

They added the option for users to dump upload their own pictures and ratings ... and a warning about getting your camera out in toilets.

200x190.jpgTwo Domino's pizza staff have been sacked after videos of them farting and sneezing on ingredients were posted on the internet.

In one of the videos a uniformed member of staff can be seen pushing cheese up his nose before adding it to food he is preparing saying "This is my special Italian sandwich."

Another clip shows our Domino's hero dropping his trousers, farting on salami and rubbing cleaning implements between his buttocks.

Oddly when pizza bosses were alerted to the videos the 'stars' were quickly dismissed ... and probably offered a job at Burger King.

200x190.jpgUniversity students are being asked to report back on their lecturers if they are more than 10 minutes late for classes.

A special hotline has even been set up at Manchester Metropolitan University students who are kept waiting by tardy teachers.

The move was brought in after a number of complaints from students that because of lateness they were not getting the education they were paying for and many plan to use the hotline, if they aren't late for class themselves.

As a result lecturers teaching after Cash in the Attic, but before Deal or No Deal will be making a special effort to be in on time.

200x190.jpgMany viewers don't understand what they are told on TV weather forecasts, researchers have found.

A team from the University of Washington say only half of people understand basic terms like 'a 20 percent chance of rain.'

Tests on students found 50 percent thought they were being told when and where it would rain even in forecasts that contained no such information.

Researchers say many think 'a 20 percent chance of rain' means it will rain over 20 percent of the area or for 20 percent of the time period covered by the forecast.

Other viewers said they were no better informed about the following days weather ... not because they didn't understand it, but because weathermen always get it wrong.

Thief caught by stolen iPod playlist

200x190.jpgA thief who pinched an iPod during a hold up was later caught because he hadn't deleted the victims playlists.

The man - charged with second-degree robbery - is said to have been part of a gang who stopped a car as it entered a car park in Des Moines, Iowa.

They then forced the passengers to part with cash, mobile phones and the iPod before fleeing.

But the man was caught red-handed (or should that be white-headphoned) when police later pulled him over and found the iPod which he still had with him.

I hope for the criminal it was at least a good playlist, try explaining to you cell mate you are in prison because you didn't want to delete some Kajagoogoo songs.

Fast food makes kids fat ... and happy

200x190.jpgChildren who eat fast food are more likely to become overweight, but are less likely to be unhappy, scientists claim.

University boffins studied the effects of burgers, fries, pizza and soft drinks on children's body weight and unhappiness using data from 2,366 children.

A quarter of the children were overweight or obese and approximately 19 percent sometimes or often felt unhappy, sad or depressed.

But while the children who ate fast food and drank soft drinks were more likely to be overweight, they were also significantly less likely to be unhappy.

So McDonald's were using the 'it does what it says on the tin' approach when they introduced the Happy Meal ...though by rights it should be the Happy and Fat Meal.

200x190.jpg'A Whiter Shade of Pale' by Procol Harum is the most heard song of the last 75 years, it has been claimed.

The 1967 hit has been broadcast in public places more than any other song, found a chart compiled for BBC Radio 2.

Music licensing firm PPL say they took into account everywhere music is consumed in public, whether in the high street, on hospital radio, in pubs, clubs and supermarkets, in stadiums or on jukeboxes.

Other songs frequently played in public places include Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Love Is All Around by Wet Wet Wet and (Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams.

Presumably the research did not monitor the pan pipe renditions of dodgy 90s songs which seem to be playing everywhere I go.

Dubai scientists create cloned camel

200x190.jpgBoffins in Dubai claim they have created the world's first cloned camel.

The female one-humped camel was born last week after more than five years of research and work in the labs at the Camel Reproduction Centre.

Injaz was born weighing 30kg after scientists took DNA from the ovary of one camel and put it into an egg from a surrogate mother.

Tests have confirmed her as being genetically identical to the source of the cells and experts claim the breakthrough could help them preserve the genetics of elite racing and milk-producing camels.

We are going to have to take their word for it, as to be honest, we find most camels look quite similar anyway.

200x190.jpgA 47-year-old virgin who wowed Simon Cowell and the other judges on Britains Got Talent has become an internet sensation.

Singing Susan Boyle left viewers of the hit ITV show gobsmacked with her rendition of Les Misérables' 'I Dreamed A Dream' on Saturday.

Now videos of her performance have attracted over 3,000,000 views on websites like YouTube and she is in demand with TV and radio shows around the world.

The popularity means it now looks like Cowell is set to offer her a deal whether she wins the show or not.

However single susan — who claims she's never been kissed — could hold out for an 'offer' from judge Piers Morgan after admitting she has taken a shine to him.

Woman sees her home burgled on web

200x190.jpgA woman saw her house being burgled live on the internet after installing a security webcam to keep an eye on her dogs.

The 43-year-old from Forida had logged on from her office to check that her pets were okay when she two men rummaging through her belongings.

Sat safely in her office 25-miles away Jeanne Thomas called police and told them what the criminals - who have climbed in through a dog-flap - were doing.

Officers were dispatched and surrounded the house as the hapless criminals were still picking which Nintendo Wii games they were going to steal.

Just think if they had taken a shine to the fancy looking webcam in the corner they could probably have gotten away with it.

200x190.jpgThe world's first cloud viewing platform has opened in the UK for cloudspotters to sit back and admire the sky.

There are guides to identifying cloud formations, mirrors to reflect different parts of the sky and even specially designed cloud-viewing seats at the Lincolnshire venue.

But cloud-fans say the opening day of the £30,000 'Cloud Bar' was spoilt by the weather, not because of the traditional British rain ... but blue cloudless skies.

A spokesperson for the Cloud Appreciation Society said: "It was a shame that the event was rather marred by the weather: there was barely a cloud in the sky."

200x190.jpgTax bosses in Sweden have decided to give webcam strippers a closer inspection, well their income anyway.

It is estimated there are hundreds webcam babes operating in the country pocketing Swedish kronor without declaring it to authorities.

But despite their onscreen actions it seems the women are not too keen on showing their figures to tax authorities who say they could be missing out on £3.5m per year.

Staff will now start the 'long and hard' process of watching the Swedish strippers in a bid to identify and contact them.

It is thought to be the first time a taxman has ever looked forward to going to work in the morning.

200x190.jpgBo Obama, the Presidential pooch, is set to arrive at the White house tomorrow in the most anticipated appointment of Barack Obama’s administration.

Bo - a Portuguese water dog - has spent the last few weeks being trained to perform tricks, sit an command ... and not make a mess of the Oval Office carpet.

Obama promised daughters Sasha and Malia they could have a puppy on election night, but because of allergies they needed to find a bred that has hair rather than fur.

The male dog is said to have come from the same kennels that supplied Portuguese water dogs to President Obama’s close friend Senator Edward Kennedy.

Some have tried to stir up a fuss claiming the Obamas should have taken in a rescue dog ... and that there should be an investigation into whether Bo paid his taxes last year.

Le Whif: Inhale a chocolate bar

200x190.jpgScientists have created a chocolate inhaler which they claim gives all the pleasure of eating chocolate, but with out the calories.

Users of 'Le Whif' place the device in their mouth and breathe in a powdered chocolate in a quick burst.
Professor David Edwards of Harvard University, who helped design the Le Whif, says that thanks to aerosol science and culinary art this gives them the taste of having a mouth full of pure chocolate.

Makers also claim that because it is zero calories the chocolate inhaler could be used as a diet ... and at £1.50 per breath of choc you are sure to loose pounds.

VIDEO: Woman attacked by polar bear

A woman was attacked by a polar bear after jumping into an enclosure at a German zoo.

It is not known why the 32-year-old jumped over security fencing and railings at Berlin Zoo, especially given she did it at feeding time.

After swimming towards the bears the woman was mauled and bitten on her legs and arms several times.

Zoo keepers were called and managed to fend off the polar bears while they were saved from the crazy woman the woman was rescued.

200x190.jpgDrinks firm bosses may have convinced Paris Hilton to strip naked to help promote their product, but they haven't been able to convince people to buy it.

Despite getting the blonde socialite nude except for a layer of gold paint, sales of 'sparkling wine in a can' Rich Prosecco have not met with expectations.

Now there are said to be over 30,000 units of the canned wine sitting in a warehouse in Serbia ready to be auctioned off at bargain basement prices before their expiration date in May.

Even though she has proved not to have the Midas touch bosses say they want Paris Hilton to star in several of their new ad campaigns.

200x190.jpgAn egg collected by Charles Darwin during his voyage on HMS Beagle has been rediscovered at Cambridge University after being lost for over 100 years.

The chocolate brown egg has Darwin's name written on it and was packed into a small box during his famous voyage from 1831-36.

While over a dozen eggs were brought back from the famous journey it was thought all had been lost.

Upon re-discovery at the Zoology Museum during routine cataloguing, it was found that the egg was heavily cracked as Darwin had packed it into a box which was too small.

So while his findings into evolution may be the most important discovery known to man ... we now know Darwin would have been useless at wrapping Christmas presents.

Kosher Coke is not just for Jews

200x190.jpgKosher Coca-Cola, specially formulated for Jewish people to drink during Passover, has become a surprise best seller.

But it is not just Jews who are snapping up the sugar sweetened beverage, many cola-fans think it tastes better then the normal drink.

Around Passover time Coca-Cola uses sugar to sweeten their drinks rather than the cheaper fructose corn syrup which Jewish people are banned from consuming.

This is actually the traditional way Coca-Cola was sweetened before the introduction of FCS, explaining why some people claim the flavor reminds them of their youth.

In turn, this could explain the number of 30-somethings who are currently sat on street corners drinking Kosher-cola, eating sweets and playing with yo-yos.

Baby exercise bike is top invention

200x190.jpgAn exercise bike which rocks a baby to sleep while you work out has been named Britain's best new invention.

'Bike Dream Machine' is the brainchild of Kevin Meredith who says he came up with the odd looking contraption as he dreamt about appearing on Dragons Den.

The new-dad from Wales said he was unable to continue his usual exercise routine without spending time away from his son unless he found a way of combining the two.

As a result his device uses the circular motion of pedalling the bicycle to drive a mechanism that gently rocks the baby - this he claims builds a bond between peddler and baby.

Personally I would like the next version which should be a tandem exercise bike, that way your child can do some of the exercise for you.

Can cufflinks help beat the recession?

200x190.jpgDesigners have created a set of recession cufflinks which they claim will help you be successful at work.

Makers of the Japanese Steel cufflinks argue that by shelling out £355 you will help you progress at the office.

They claim the cufflinks "strong lines and sharp edges" make an understated yet powerful statement that will give you "an edge in these challenging times."

A spokesperson for Armrevolution said: "At times of economic uncertainty people tend to dress smarter and making a good impression through what one wears has never been so important."

If you believe spending so much on a pair of cufflinks could help you through the recession please give us a call ... we have a bag of magic beans with you name on them.

200x190.jpgA department store has started selling a women's suit which is made from recycled rubbish.

The £55 jacket and trousers are said to be made entirely from 50 plastic bottles which could have ended up in a landfill.

Instead bottles are stripped of their labels, washed and melted before being refined and woven into a polyester.

The soft but hard-wearing material is then used to make the suit which makers promise will not leave you looking like a discarded Coke bottle.

Primark are expected to launch a rival suit anytime now ... it will be made by gluing 75 crisp packets together.

200x190.jpgWith his no-nonsense attitude on The Apprentice Sir Alan Sugar is clearly not a man to be messed with.

It is for this reason artist Lee Jones has portrayed Sir Alan as The Godfather of British business in his latest painting.

Based on the iconic film poster for Francis Ford Coppola’s 1972 masterpiece 'The Godfather' his work replaces supreme mafia boss, Marlon Brando with the Amstrad boss.

"I’m a massive fan of the apprentice, and like the fact that Sir Alan is trying to help British business leaders get out of the recession," said Jones, who is based in Liverpool.

As far as we know Sir Alan is happy just telling unsuccessful contestants they are fired ... we don't think Majid Nagra woke up this morning with a horses head in his bed.

Dead mayor re-elected in US town

200x190.jpgVoters in the US town of Winfield, Missouri have re-elected their mayor, despite him dying a month before the ballot.

City bosses said they expected mayor Harry Stonebraker to win again as he had become even more popular after his death.

The 69-year-old had nearly completed his third two-year term as mayor when he died of a heart attack a month before the vote.

But because the ballot papers had been printed people were still able to vote for him, and a massive 90 percent did.

It is understood that hearing the odd news has given Gordon Brown an idea about faking his own death to secure a win in the next general election.

Top 5 types of people who annoy women

200x190.jpgWAGs, Big Brother rejects and celebrities who give their children daft names are some of the types of people who annoy British women most.

A survey quizzed over 1,000 women about who riles them the most and WAGs like Coleen Rooney and Victoria Beckham topped the list.

They were closely followed by big brother rejects who though they don't win the contest, turn up at every ‘celebrity’ party going.

Third place went to celebs who name their children after places, objects or fruit.

Surprisingly boyfriends and husbands somehow managed to avoid appearing on the most annoying list.

200x190.jpgFishermen in the Philippines accidentally caught one of the world's rarest sharks ... and then promptly ate it.

The rare megamouth shark has previously been seen just 40 times since its discovery 33 years ago and little is known about it.

Megamouth (Megachasma pelagios) so named for their meter-wide mouth have previously been found throughout the Atlantic, Indian and Pacific Oceans.

A spokesperson for the WWF say fishermen based in Donsol were trawling for mackerel when they netted the four metre-long and 500 kg beast, which was later butchered and eaten.

The animal charity protested about the killing and would have liked to see the animal released or at least studied ... now the best they can hope for is to find out how it tasted.

Brits are addicted to sale shopping

200x190.jpgBritain is fast becoming a nation of people addicted to buying things in sales, a survey has found.

A massive nine in ten people claim they resent paying full price for anything with one in five women saying they are currently refusing to splash the cash unless they can get a discount.

The poll of over 1,000 people also found half of women would wait for something to come down in price before buying it, even if they really wanted it.

However 71 percent of 16-24 year olds claimed they will continue to shop no matter how bad the recession gets ... presumably paying for things with bits of dirt they find on the floor.

Writer loses job over X-Men download

200x190.jpgA movie reviewer who wrote about the upcoming film 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' after illegally downloading it, has lost his job.

Roger Friedman wrote in his article that he had downloaded the movie because it was "so much easier than going out in the rain."

Despite giving it a good review - based on the incomplete copy he had watched - the move angered movie bosses at 20th Century Fox.

Along with his employer Fox News they thought the article could be seen as condoning online piracy making his position untenable.

Wow, imagine what the Foxes would have done if he had said the Wolverine movie was a stinker.

Chimps use meat to 'pay' for sex

200x190.jpgMale chimpanzees will share the proceeds of their hunting with females in exchange for sex, researchers claim.

Experts observed the meat-based prostitution in the Tai Forest reserve in Ivory Coast noting that chimps which shared food had sex twice as much.

They say the "meat for sex" deals are part of a long term arrangement and males share food even when females are not fertile, so they get to mate with them when they are.

Previously when researching the "meat for sex hypothesis" boffins expected sharing meat to lead directly to copulation rather than it being part of a longer term deal.

I guess that says a quite a bit about the dating habits of some academic researchers.

Europe's sexiest vegetarians revealed

200x190.jpgThe sexiest vegetarians in Europe have been revealed (so to speak) by animal rights group PETA.

After calling for gorgeous vegetarians and vegans to come forward PETA received thousands of photo and began the oh-so hard job of going through them.

Fiona Dewaele, from Leuven, Belgium was picked as the female winner having given up eating 'cute' animal meat when a young girl.

The 23-year-old later gave up ugly animals too making her a PETA worthy vegetarian and says her turning point was seeing a documentary on foie-gras.

There was also a bare-chested picture of the male winner somewhere, but oddly we seem to have misplaced that somewhere, sorry.

VIDEO: World's smallest bodybuilder

200x190.jpgThe world's smallest bodybuilder - who measures just 2ft 9in tall - will be working out in London for the next couple of weeks.

Romeo Dev, 21, will be demonstrating his formidable strength to help promote an Olympic flame exhibition and raise money for charity SportsAid.

Pint-sized Romeo can lift 1.5kg dumbbells despite weighing just 1st 6lbs and will be showing off his skill at Ripley’s Believe it or Not London over Easter.

He will be flexing his muscles from 12- 4pm six days a week and will pose with visitors for pictures.

By the look of this photo he would prefer it if the visitors were women who could pick him up and carry him off into the sunset.

200x190.jpgA working Spitfire plane is set to be sold at public auction for more than £1.5 million.

The airworthy Vickers-Supermarine Spitfire aircraft - which was built in 1944 - was found in a Cape Town scrap yard in the 1970s after being sold to he South African Air Force after the war.

It has since undergone a five-year restoration project which saw many new parts fitted and is now to be sold at auction by Bonhams.

James Knight of Bonhams said: "The sale of an aircraft so linked to the history and very survival of our nation has enormous significance for us here."

I guess that is one person hoping the rare Spitfire isn't snapped up by a German bidder.

200x190.jpgA car which has only two wheels and that makers say is impossible to crash, has been unveiled in the US.

The bizarre looking vehicle is the product of General Motors teaming up with electric scooter makers Segway to create an eco-friendly city car.

Project P.U.M.A. (Personal Urban Mobility & Accessibility), is said to offer fast, safe, inexpensive and clean transport at speeds of up to 35mph.

While it is currently only a prototype GM claim the PUMA electric vehicle will change the face of transport in cities ... yes, in the future we will all look stupid.

German DJ hosts week-long show

200x190.jpgA German DJ has broken the world record for hosting the longest continuous radio show with a whopping 169 hour programme.

Dominik Schollmayer from Hit Radio Antenne started his Hanover-based show last week and only finished broadcasting yesterday morning.

Under the rules the 26-year-old was only allowed a five minute break eery hour and was not allowed to play more than two consecutive records of up to six minutes.

His attempt was also monitored by doctors and the radio station blog reported Schollmayer suffered a series of 'bizarre effects' from the sleep deprivation. It will be the last time he offers to cover all the other hosts holiday.

200x190.jpgWomen have a better sense of smell than men when it comes to sniffing out body odour, researchers have found.

Tests show that even when men use the majority of deodorants women are able to smell their underarm sweat.

Scientists from the Monell Chemical Senses centre in Philadelphia got a sample of people to rate the strength of underarm odors, both alone and with various fragrances.

Only two of 32 scents tested blocked underarm odor for women compared to 19 which significantly reduced the strength of the whiff for men.

The boffins think the sensitivity of women's noses could be because they use the smell of male sweat to choose a mate ... or that men have evolved a poor sense of smell because they stink.

200x190.jpgApple have started selling a number of silent 'music' tracks ... for 79p each.

Despite not being able to hear anything users will have to pay to download the tracks from the iTunes store before putting them on their iPod and not listening to them.

One of the silent tracks is John Lennon's "Nutopian International Anthem" which first appeared on his 1973 Mind Games album.

Because iTunes charges for individual tracks this means the six second long song can be bought individually and works out to about 13 pence per second of quiet, an impressive way of cashing in on nothing, even for Apple.

200x190.jpgA pair of tractor-loving farmers are planning to drive their vintage tractors from Land's End to John O'Groats.

James Williamson and Johnny Sinclair will make the 970-mile journey in May in a bid to raise money for Leukaemia Research.

Riding the 1965 Massey Ferguson 135 and a 1955 Ferguson tractor they will have to avoid motorways.

As the tractors do not have cabs the pair, both from the Highlands, have also borrowed survival suits used by North Sea oil rig workers.

With the journey which is expected to take 12 days, just hope that you don't get stuck behind them ... at least not for all 970 miles.

200x190.jpgA UK supermarket chain is renaming 'pollack' fish 'colin' because they say shoppers find the original name embarrassing.

Bosses at Sainsbury’s reckon shoppers have for years been put off by the proper title and feared being left red-face, or maybe being misheard as they ordered.

Last year sales of pollack were outnumbered 13-1 by the similar tasting cod, despite it being £1.60 per kilo cheaper.

Now the re-branded 'colin' will now be sold in special packaging designed by  Wayne Hemingway and based on the abstract paintings of Jackson Pollock.

When asked what they thought of the move one shopper said "That's utter pollacks" ... at least that's what we think they said.

200x190.jpgTwo rare blonde hedgehogs which were rescued by the RSPCA last year have been released back into the wild.

The hedgehogs were both found seriously ill and underweight when they were admitted to RSPCA Stapeley Grange in Cheshire.

But experts say they worked hard to get the animals - which get their blonde features due to a rare recessive gene -  back up to a healthy weight, before their recent release.

While ridiculously cute blonde hedgehogs would have sent some sections of the internet into meltdown there is not much chance of seeing them as the rare pair been released 20 miles apart.

Farting footballer gets yellow card

200x190.jpgA footballer was given a yellow card for distracting an opposing player by breaking wind as he was taking a penalty.

The ref said the noisy fart constituted "ungentlemanly conduct" during the match between Chorlton Villa and International Manchester.

He added that it had been a deliberate act by the Villa player to put off the Manchester keeper in the match which Villa eventually won 6-4.

The amateur club now faces fines of £97 for the three dismissals and two bookings made in the game.

However some of the supporters insist that the ref wasn't issuing a card to the player but just using it to waft the smell away.

60% of university students fear maths

200x190.jpgThe majority of university students have "mathematical anxiety" and feel their number crunching skills are not up to scratch, research has found.

Six out of ten students admit to feeling tension, nervousness, concern, worry, edginess, impatience, confusion, fear and mental block when dealing with the subject.

Researchers from the University of Granada tested over 800 of their students from 23 degree courses about their feelings towards the subject and having to use it.

Using the 'Fennema-Sherman Mathematics Attitudes Scales' they claimed 47% of male student and 62% of female students suffer maths anxiety.

This works out to a total of six in ten university students being scared of maths ... and according to our working out that's like 95 percent.

A British woman has set a new world record by diving 96 metres underwater on a single breath.

Sara Campbell plunged 96 metres off Long Island in the Bahamas spending 3 minutes 36 seconds underwater during the freedive.

Powered only by her own body (and a mermaid-like fin attached to her feet) she regained her title by diving deeper than any female freediver before her without special gear.

Sara - who is said to have lungs 25 percent larger than an average person of her size and weight - said: "It was a great dive - who would say that a World Record was anything else?

Because of her 4ft 11 height Sara is known as "mighty mouse" by other freedivers ... though you don't often see mice diving in the sea.

200x190.jpgA schoolgirl has become the UK's youngest agony aunt after getting her own radio slot.

Elaina Smith now regularly dishes out advice to adults on Mercia FM after calling the station to advise a woman who wanted to ditch her boyfriend.

The seven-year-old from Coventry so impressed listeners and show bosses that they offered her a regular slot on their breakfast show.

She now joins host Andy Goulding and answers questions such as how to get over being dumped ... going bowling and having a glass of milk, if you must know

200x190.jpgMen would rather play a new computer game than spend a night of passion with their missus, a survey has found.

A survey of over 1,000 blokes found that a whopping 72 percent said they would give a night with the missus a miss to play a new game release.

Even when only talking about games they already owned and had played before, 32 percent still opted for a night of fiddling with their fingers ... on a games console.

Asked why this was the case, reasons included that their partner was 'hard to please' or simply 'not as much fun' as a game.

I think a number of men could be going home tonight to find a rather difficult end of level boss.

200x190.jpgMental arithmetic can become easier after eating chocolate, scientists have found.

Researchers testing the impact of different foods on brain performance found that flavanols - a compound found in cocoa - increases the flow of blood into the brain.

This they claim makes certain mental functions, like basic maths, easier to do. It also means people feel less mentally drained after a long day.

The team from Northumbria University suggests that students who binge on chocolate while studying for exams are therefore likely to do better.

It also suggests that those who binge on chocolate will be better at adding up the number of calories they have just consumed. 

200x190.jpgKeane last night broadcast the first ever 3D webcast of a live music concert.

Fans sat at home wearing the odd looking (and slightly 80s) blue and red glasses to watch the indie rockers 'jumping' out of their computer screens.

The Abbey Road gig was performed in front of a series of hi-tech cameras which streamed the 3D effect live over the website.

Singer Tom Chaplin made the most of the 3D by doing lots of pointing to camera and moving forwards quickly to give fans a feeling of being up-front at a concert.

The move could see Keane take the title of 'most geeky rockers' from current holders Radiohead.

200x190.jpgAngry residents of a British village formed a human barrier to stop a Google Street View car from filming their houses.

When villagers spotted the car entering Broughton, Buckinghamshire they stopped the driver and told him to stop taking pictures of their houses.

They claimed that the images snapped by the 360-degree, rooftop camera could be used by burglars to target victims.

A gang of up to 20 people gathered in front of the car and stopped it from entering the village, police were also called and the Google driver made a hasty retreat.

But with a bit of luck Google will still upload the pictures and we will all be able to see the village people protesting in front of the car, I hope the cowboy and construction worker were there.

Engineers reveal super-thin speakers

200x190.jpgBoffins have created a set of super thin flexible speakers which they claim could make public announcements clearer, crisper, and easier to hear.

The Flat, Flexible Loudspeaker (FFL) is less than 0.25mm thick and could, according to experts, be concealed inside ceiling tiles, car interiors or hung on the wall like a picture.

Warwick Audio Technologies say the FFL is ideal for public spaces where it delivers planar directional sound waves, which project further than sound from conventional speakers.

We were going to use this story yesterday but thought it looked like an April Fools prank, the PR man assures is isn't ... and that the boffins in these pictures aren't just waving around a bit of foil.

200x190.jpgChinese food is now the UK's favorite ethnic cuisine ahead of previous top choice the Indian curry.

A massive 83 percent of Brits polled said a Chinese was one of their top choices compared to 71 percent who selected Indian food.

Between them they account for 70 percent of the ethnic food market which will be worth over £1.5 billion per year by 2013 meaning oodles of noodles will be sold.

The research - by market analysts Mintel - also found that four in ten Brits eat ethnic food at home once a month and one in ten eat it twice or more per week.

The percentage of Mintel researchers ordering a takeaway was far greater ... because while doing this research they could claim it on expenses.

200x190.jpgBarack Obama gave the Queen an iPod filled with music, videos and photos during a meeting at Buckingham Palace.

Obama had popped in on Queen Elizabeth II ahead of the G-20 summit where he would be discussing the global economy with other world leader.

But rather than the usual gifts given at such events, HRH received an iPod containing videos and photos of her 2007 visit to the US and 40 songs from various Broadway plays.

Details have not been released as to what type of iPod was gifted. And what did the Obamas get in return, a silver framed photo of the Queen and Prince Philip.

Luckily the US President refrained from saying, "Come on, I got you an iPod and this isn't even a digital photo frame" ... otherwise it could have been a case of "Off with his head".

200x190.jpgSwotty students are trying to get their university to ban Facebook and Twitter because less cerebral students are using them and hogging the computers.

Bournemouth University Student Union wants to see the institutions computers only used for academic work rather than poking and following.

They argue that final-year students who need to use university computers to access internal networks are not able to do so because of people using the social networks.

Signs will now be displayed asking students not to spend time on social networking sites while others wish to work.

But surely they would get better results if they set up a Facebook group or an online petition to get the message out.

200x190.jpgConservationists have discovered a huge population of previously rare dolphins in South Asia.

Nearly 6,000 Irrawaddy dolphins - which are related to orcas -  were found living in freshwater regions of Bangladesh’s Sundarbans mangrove forest and adjacent waters.

Before the find experts had put the total numbers of the rare dolphins in the hundreds. But the good news stops there. The WCS are already warning that the population is threatened by climate change and fishing nets.

Come on guys, you could at least have given them a couple of days before announcing they are doomed, couldn't you?

Best April fools day jokes of 2009

200x190.jpgInvisible cars, fish powered homes and newspapers publishing exclusively on Twitter, it sounds like any other day at NewsLite Towers.

But these are some of the best April fools day pranks of 2009 as told in British newspapers.

There is also the new goal-line technology for jumpers for goalposts games of football and pictures of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith coming out of a saucy high street store.

If you have seen a good April fools story that we haven't included please leave a link to it in the comments section below.

200x190.jpgInternet providers could soon stop customers from turning on their computer if they do not pay their bill, it has been announced.

They would effectively "kill" the machines by triggering a chip on the modem rendering them useless, not only preventing users from going online, but even turning their computer on.

Modem makers Ericsson say they came up with the "kill pill" device because some broadband users are claiming a free computer from providers like Orange and Vodafone, but then stop paying their bills.

This leaves the companies hundreds of pounds out of pocket while the user gets a free working computer.

The "kill pill" could also be used if a computer containing sensitive information was lost ... is there anyone from the government reading this ... or have you all left your laptops on the train?

200x190.jpgFor many Liverpool fans Steven Gerrard is part man part mid-field machine, which is exactly how an artist has represented him.

As part of his 'Beyond Human' collection, artist Lee Jones has painted Gerrard with Terminator-style legs and metallic boots.

The artist says this accurately symbolises the athletic prowess of the midfielder who is tipped as the PFA Player of the year.

"I am a huge sports fan and I am inspired by the way top athletes finely tune their bodies to the point that they become almost superhuman," said Jones.

After seeing the image it is understood Alex Ferguson wanted to lodge a formal complaint with the FA and insist on tests to find out if Gerrard is part man part machine.

iPods get heavier with more music

200x190.jpgResearchers have discovered that MP3 players like iPods and iPhones get fractionally heavier depending on how many music tracks they contain.

The difference between an empty iPod and a full one is only a 0.4 gram say the team from Blackpool University.

Tests showed that an empty 16GB iPhone weighed 133.2 grams compared to 133.6 for the same model filled with 3,500 songs.

Professor Roger Banks said: "This is the first time the weight of computer data has been measured. We all know it is made out of ones and zeros, but the ratio of ones to zeros seems to make a difference."

The boffins will now investigate whether the weight of different types of files music, video or pictures varies when they have the same file size.

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