January 2009 Archives

Millions of web users were unable to access sites today after a goon at Google accidentally marked the ENTIRE internet not safe.

The Google worker who was responsible for maintaining a list of sites which  are known to install malicious software onto computers mistakenly entered the URL of '/'

The problem with this is that '/' expands to all URLs, leaving every site on the internet - including Google's own - marked as unsafe.

This meant ALL search results said 'This site may harm your computer' and would not allow people to navigate to their desired page ... and gave Yahoo a bit of a boost.

Birmingham drops apostrophes from signs

A city is dropping apostrophes from all of its street signs, claiming they are too confusing for motorists.

Officials say signs for areas of Birmingham such as "Kings Heath" and "St Pauls Square" will be banned from featuring apostrophes.

The Birmingham bureaucrats think not adding the apostrophes could save them cash and have even claimed the move could help emergency services who rely on inputting addresses into satellite navigation quickly.

Grammatical campaigners initially accused Birmingham City Council of unnecessary dumbing down ... then they realized the signs would mostly be read by Brummies.

A tiny vase which is only 8cm tall and was bought for just £20 has been identified as a rare £10,000 gem.

The Royal Worcester vase was on display in a pensioners china cabinet for over 20 years without her ever knowing it's true value.

She had bought the item - which is decorated in an Oriental style - for £20 at an antiques shop in the West Country.
It was only after her death when her family were clearing her house that experts were called in and spotted the vase, which is one of the first examples of English porcelain.

The Royal Worcester pot, which dates back to 1754, is now due to go on sale at Dukes Auctioneers, of Dorchester on February 5th.

Couple get their dead dog cloned

An American couple who were left devastated by the death of their pet labrador have had it cloned.

The pair paid £108,000 to get 'Sir Lancelot' cloned by a Korean biotech firm using DNA samples taken when the dog was diagnosed with cancer.

BioArts say they used an egg from a similar dog but replaced the DNA with that of Sir Lancelot before implanting it in another pooch.

Lancelot Encore (yes, thats really what they called it) was born in November and taken to the US this week after being weaned from his surrogate mother. 

Cops in Zurich have stumbled on a field growing £550,000 worth of marijuana ... by using Google Earth.

They were using the satellite mapping software to investigate an alleged drug ring when they spotted the 1.2 tons of marijuana.

The two acre field in northeastern Switzerland was surrounded by corn which meant it would not be seen from the ground.

16 people have been arrested and the gang is thought to have sold up to seven tons of hashish and marijuana over the past seven years.

Officers described the the find as "an interesting chance discovery" ... not the words the gang are using.

1 in 3 office workers watch porn at work

A third of office workers claim they have watched internet porn on their work computers, a survey has found.

The poll of 400 people also discovered a culture of drink, sex and sleep at offices in the UK ... which makes you wonder why so many people complain about work.

56 percent of respondents admitted to turning up to work drunk, while 59 percent admitted to having been taken ill in the office due to a hangover.

Alcohol may also have something to do with the fact a knee-trembling 62% of UK office workers admit to having had a fling with a colleague. 

Those not having it away with a co-worker seem to be taking matters into their own hands, 33% admit to having watched pornography in the office, though only 7% have been caught red handed. 

Woman finds rare umbrella worth £17,500

A lucky woman found an umbrella worth £17,500 in her house during a spring clean.

The rare Faberge umbrella had been given to the unnamed woman - along with some old walking sticks - by her mother-in-law when she moved home.

But it was only when she was gathering them up to take to a charity shop she spotted the odd handle and took it to a jewellers.

They instantly recognized it as the work of Michail Perchin, a craftsman at the House of Faberge and told her it was worth a fortune, needless to say she didn't use it to shelter from the rain on her way home.

Education bosses have been bombarded with complaints from teachers after inviting a pole-dancer to perform for school children.

The pole-dancers were invited to give demonstrations as part of a 'Be Healthy' initiative at South Devon College in Paignton.

But after 1,000 pupils aged 14-19 watched the demo the complaints started to roll in - from teachers who hadn't seen the act - claiming it was inappropriate and indecent.

Isn't it odd that the complaints are coming from teachers rather than the 14-year-old boys?

Popular songs spark specific memories

Just thinking about a song which was popular in your youth can prompt specific memories, researchers have found.

Whether you have a preference for ABBA or Nirvana the boffins say songs from your era are likely to evoke strong memories and emotions. 

Psychologists from Kansas State University gave a group of 18-20-year-olds a list of songs from five periods of their life, and asked them to consider what memories they prompted, they were then played the same songs.

It had been expected that listening to the songs would cue a stronger memory but they found just reading the titles prompted the same reaction. 26 percent said Vanilla Ice`s "Ice Ice Baby" cued a memory while 36 percent said the same of Coolio`s "Gangsta`s Paradise".

Maybe they group just said they were having a strong memory to stop the researchers putting "Ice Ice Baby" on the CD player for the 18th time.

A businessman and puzzle fan is offering his £675,000 home as a prize in a giant Sudoku competition.

Dave Mackie is such a fan of the Japanese numbers game he decided to giveaway his three-bedroom home - complete with a sauna and steam-room - to someone who can complete a number puzzle he has set.

The 49-year-old is selling 14,000 chances to win the stylish detached home on the Fylde coast, for £50 per time - when enough people have entered a winner will be randomly selected.

Dave says he plans to retire abroad, possibly to one of his houses in Egypt where, you guessed it ... he wants to sit on a beach with a Sudoku book.

Most Brits have seen bullying at work

The majority of British workers claim they have been the victim of, or have witnessed, bullying in the workplace.

A study of around 1,000 people found that while more than 70 percent had experienced an office bully many were too worried about the repercussions to report the problem. 

Asked what was the cause of the bullying 39 percent cited a personality clash while 31 percent thought the bully was making an attempt to be funny.

Other reasons included a clash between people on different pay grades or a persons physical appearance.

Like David Brent from the Office many workplace bullies do not think that are being rude ... but do think they are funny.

iPod turned into deadly sniper accessory

The iPod touch is great for listening to music, watching videos, browsing the internet ... and now helping you become a better assassin.

An armor company is suggesting you attach you Apple MP3 player to your sniper rifle and use a new application which acts as a military-grade ballistic computer.

Makers say you can enter weather conditions including wind speed and direction as well as angles to the target - the iPod will then give you settings to make the shot.

The problem for assassins is that they may now miss their shot because they got distracted by a YouTube video of a cat laughing.

An sexy advert trying to convince American football fans to ditch meat and eat more vegetables has been banned from US TV.

PETA had wanted to air the 30 second advert during the Super Bowl but prudish bosses at NBC said it was too rude.

Scenes include women stripping off before rubbing asparagus on their breasts, licking a pumpkin and touching themselves while eating broccoli.

A woman is also seen holding asparagus as if about to insert it into her vagina ... so basically it was just like a Nigella Lawson cookery show.

Apple iPhoto '09 knows your cat

New photo editing software released by Apple appears to have a hidden feature ... it can recognize your cat.

Apple had said the iCat iPhoto 09 software would include facial recognition technology making it easy to identify your friends and family in images.

But users are claiming the software can also distinguish between their pets with the identification of cats working particularly well.

One user said: "Wow this is great, I have hundreds of photos of my cats, now I will be able to organize them into folders and categories."

Hmm, this is just what we need, now cat lovers have yet another reason to take even more photos of their moggies.

Cello scrotum was invented as a hoax

Cello scrotum, a medical condition which has been discussed and diagnosed for the past 34 years, has finally been revealed as a hoax.

A top doctor has admitted coming up with the painful complain as a joke in the 1970's and sending a report to the British Medical Journal.

Baroness Murphy - who is an expert on Alzheimer's - claims she came up with the condition after reading about guitar nipple, where holding the instrument causes irritation.

"Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim," she wrote to the recent issue of BMJ.

What this means for any cellists who had the nasty rash on their groin is yet to be seen.

Cows with names produce more milk

Cows which are given names and treated as individuals produce more milk, scientists have found.

Researchers at Newcastle University discovered that farmers who name cows could see an increase in their annual milk yield by up to 500 pints.

It is believed that having a name not only improve the cow's welfare and self-being but also her perception of humans.

The boffins also claim dairy farmers who regard their cows as intelligent beings capable of experiencing a range of emotions also see the benefit.

However, farmers naming every cow in a herd of 428 'Daisy' are not likely to see the same boost in milk production.

Look on the bright side of funeral music

A surprising number of people would like Monty Python's 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' played at their funeral, a survey has found.

The Life Of Brian theme has been named as the top "alternative" funeral song with one fifth of Brits wanting friends and family to hear it at their funeral.

A poll of over 750 people commissioned by the Children's Society also saw The Jam's 'Going Underground' and 'Fame! I want to live forever' as popular choices.

Cabaret by Liza Minelli came second with 17 percent with 'Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye' by Gracie Fields third with 15 percent

The survey also found how difficult people talking about funeral arrangements - nine out of 10 said it would be easier talking about sex. Easier for them maybe, but what about the funeral director?

No privacy for couple in NY hotel

When a London couple were offered a complimentary stay at a plush New York hotel, they must have thought it was too good to be true.

And they would have been right, Duncan Malcolm and Katherine Lewis have just settled into their free hotel room ...  under the gaze of pedestrians and motorists.

The 'room' they are staying in at the Roger Smith Hotel is on the ground floor, has windows facing out onto the street and as a condition of their free stay they must keep the curtains open until 7.30pm each evening.

If someone offers you the chance to get a free stay in Amsterdam for turning yourself into a similar living advertisement, don't. It is NOT the same.

Women feel 'most beautiful' aged 32

Women feel their most beautiful at the age of 32, a survey has found.

While magazines fill their pages with 20-somethings, it seems the majority of women strongly disagree with the idea that 'youth equals beauty.'

A poll over over 1,500 British women aged between 40 and 60 found that 38 percent felt they looked their best in their early thirties.

Of those the majority said 32 was their best year - which is good news for celebrities including Sophie Dahl, Liv Tyler and Sarah Michelle Gellar who will turn 32 in 2009.

But if you are a woman about to turn 33 we can only apologize for breaking the bad news to you ... it is all down hill from now on.

Baby used Twitter from the womb

A baby has become the youngest person in the world to use Twitter, by doing it from the womb.

Every time little Tyler kicked mum-to-be Ellen Menscher it also sent an update to the social networking site which is popular with celebs like Jonathon Ross and Stephen Fry.

But where Jonathan Ross tells people when he has broken wind Tyler's updates would say "I kicked Mommy" followed by a date and time.

Ellen, an attorney from New York, wore a belt which contained sensors and electronics to monitor the movements of her baby and broadcast what was happening over the internet.

And even though Tyler hadn't been born his Tweets were still more interesting than most people who just say 'there's a big queue in Starbucks' or 'my cat just rolled over.' 

Doner kebabs have "shocking" levels of salt, calories and fat, a study has discovered.

Researchers from 70 councils tested around 500 kebabs to to check the meat content, labelling and nutritional value.

They found the average kebab also comes loaded with 1000 calories while some have up to 1,990 - over 95 per cent of a women's recommended daily calorie intake.

This is 346 per cent of a women's saturated fat intake and 277 per cent of an adult's daily salt intake ... or, if you are Kerry Katona, part of a calorie controlled diet.

35 per cent of the labels also listed different meat species than that actually contained in the kebab ... not all of which could be identified.

Star Trek couple 'buried' in space

Gene Roddenberry - the creator of Star Trek - will next year be 'buried' in space with his wife.

When Roddenberry died in 1991 his partner commissioned a company that specializes in "memorial spaceflights" to fulfill their dream of journeying through space together.

Over the past 17 years Celestis have developed rockets and capsules which can carry up to 7 grams of cremated remains into deep space.

Now after Majel Roddenberry passed away in December of last year they will finally fly through space together, albeit as little pots of ashes.

Trekkies are also being invited to submit messages of tribute which will be digitized and sent into space with the couple ... anyone who suggests "To boldly go where no couple has gone before" deserves a slap.

A sexy advert where Kylie Minogue stripped to her underwear and writhed on a mechanised rodeo bull has been voted the best cinema ad of all time.

The racy Agent Provocateur lingerie advert topped an online poll by Digital Cinema Media.

The 2001 ad called 'Proof' beat off competition from Steve Mcqueen in a advert for the Ford Puma, the Diet Coke man and Sony Bravia Balls.

After putting on the saucy show Kylie then proves the underwear is sexy by challenging the men in the audience to stand up ... what are we telling you this for, just watch the video below.

Fat people could have caught obesity

Obesity can be caught like the cold virus through coughs, sneezes and dirty hands, it has been claimed.

The cold-like virus can attack tissue and cause fat cells to multiply leading to massive weight gain say scientists.

Professor Nikhil Dhurandhar of The Pennington Biomedical Research Center, in Louisiana said almost a third of obese adults carry the virus compared with just 11 per cent of lean men and women.

He said tests on mice and chickens showed those with the AD-36 bug gained weight faster then uninfected animals, irrespective of what they ate.

A university has launched a course in West End musicals where students will be asked "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

Students at Cardiff University will analyse shows including Mamma Mia! and Les Miserables during the 10 week course.

They will also look at show structure, song structure, the significance of music, words and dance, character study and a brief history and development of musical theatre.

It makes this more a case of "Higher Education Musical" than "High School Musical."

The works of Andrew Lloyd Webber will also come under close scrutiny ... though his appearances on reality TV shows will be overlooked, as it should be.

While many other companies are going 'bust' plastic surgeons are finding boob jobs are still increasing.

Last year the 8,429 women went under the knife for breast augmentation - up 30 percent on 2007 - according to statistics by the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons.

The stats also show that record numbers of men are getting breast-reduction surgery 'moob jobs' ... but you can understand why we used the picture we did, can't you?

In fact the moob job saw a bigger increase than any other cosmetic surgery (up 44 percent) followed by tummy tucks and boob jobs (both up 30 percent)

A total of 34,100 surgical procedures were carried out in the UK ... experts say not all of them were on Katie Price.

The £100 Nintendo DS games console and brain training games are no better at improving your memory than a 10p pencil and paper, it has been claimed.

Despite claims that the popular games can 'stimulate your brain and give it the workout it needs' ... French academics say this is not the case.

Tests on ten-year-olds found that doing their homework, playing scrabble or even watching a documentary on TV could boost memory ability as much if not more than using the brain training on the DS.

The boffins will now examine the claims that playing Wii Sports for 20 minutes will turn you into a tennis player of such skill you can suddenly take on Andy Murray.

An 11-year-old Mexican matador killed six bulls in a single bullfight claiming the dubious honor of being the youngest matador to achieve the feat.

Tiny Michelito Lagravere Peniche - who has been bullfighting since he was four - gave the controversial performance to over 3,00 people on Saturday in Merida, southeastern Mexico.

Both child protection and anti-bullfighting campaign groups had wanted the event cancelled, but a local judges ruled that it could go ahead.

The animal charities argued the fight was an animal rights issue while child protection groups claimed it was a form of child abuse ... looking at his outfit I am tempted to agree with them.

A Hong Kong filmmaker has announced plans to produce what he claims will be the world's first 3D porn movie.

Filming for "3D Sex and Zen" will make use of the latest technology to make images 'pop' out of the screen and will cost a cool $4,000,000.

Bosses at 'One Dollar Production' says the 3D movie will offer realistic sex scenes which will make the viewers - who need to wear special glasses - feel like they are sat on the edge of the bed.

They hope the movie - based on a 17th century Chinese erotic classic (well why not) - will lure audiences back into the cinema at a time where most people are watching their porn on DVD and the internet.

The 3D effects will put the action inches from the audiences face ... and make the job of cinema cleaner even less desirable.

Scientists solve The Italian Job ending

Scientists have finally solved the 'cliff-hanger' ending to the classic British movie "The Italian Job."

For years fans have puzzled over the final scene where the gang of robbers find themselves in a bus hanging over the edge of a cliff with seemingly no way to recover the stolen gold bullion at the other end.

At the end of the movie the gang's leader played by actor Michael Caine says "Hang on a minute lads - I’ve got a great idea." 

Well after forty years of hanging on the Royal Society of Chemistry (RSC) says it has solved the riddle of getting the gang and the gold out safely.

Scientists create a living doll

Boffins in Japan have created a living biological doll ... but it won't make a great toy, it's just 5mm tall.

It was produced to demonstrate a new method for fabricating 3D living biological structures developed by researchers at the University of Tokyo.

They claim to have made the doll by cultivating 100,000 cell capsules - each coated with skin cells - and keeping them inside a mould for 24 hours.

Once the cells formed the doll-shaped mass of tissue it was maintained in a culture solution and survived for more than a day.   

It is still not known what prompted the researchers to conduct the research, although they had recently been watching the movie Weird Science so the answer could be Kelly LeBrock.

70% of Brits spy on their partner online

More than 70 percent of people spy on their partners online activity, many at least once a month, it has been found.

The worried spouses are not only spying on internet histories to see if adult websites have been viewed, but also monitoring each others social networking.

Common searches include monitoring Twitter conversations, looking to see if they are friends with ex-parters on Facebook and what comments they have left of friends photos.

The survey found that the internet has led to 54% of people being even more suspicious of their partners with those in the North East the most untrusting.

68 percent of Brits also admitted they would check their partner's private emails if they knew the password. Wow would that be boring for my wife ... unless she wants a fake Rolex or some mail order viagra?

A third of women fear their male partners suffer from the eating disorder anorexia, a survey has found.

Dubbed 'Manorexia' the male version of the eating disorder is thought to be on the rise as more men try to live up to Hollywood's leading actors.

3,000 women were quizzed in the poll, with 31 percent saying their boyfriend, fiance or husband is showing early signs of Manorexia.

This includes crash dieting, skipping meals, constantly worrying about their weight and increased or excessive exercise.

However, most women said the only exercise their partner gets is walking to the fridge to finish the left over takeaway and they wished he did worry about his weight.

VIDEO: Crime fighting 'Spider-man' robot

A Japanese firm have launched a security robot which catches robbers by launching a net over them like Spider-man.

The T-34 (catchy name I know) travels at 6mph and uses sensors to detect the motion, noise and body-heat of intruders and can even be controlled via a mobile phone.

Once it spots a suspected criminal the 60cm tall bot sets off alarms, calls police and hurls a net over the would-be robber to slow their getaway.

Makers Tmsuk Co and security firm Alacom Co say the aim to to create squads of the robots to keep an artificial eye on office buildings and industrial complexes, but that a home version will also be produced.

But at £6,500 it seems like a lot of money to pay to get a net thrown over you every time you pop downstairs in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. 

Cristiano Ronaldo might be idolized by thousands of Manchester United fans, but he is the most hated player in the Premier League.

The 23-year-old Portuguese winger, and World Player of the Year, topped a poll of over 2,500 football fans taking a massive 48 percent of the votes.

Fans - picked the most hated player - said they disliked him and other footballers because of their foul play, arrogance and constant diving.

69 percent of fans also commented that Ronaldo is 'full of himself' which is a bit strange ... have the other 31 percent never seen him?

Trust me, it's good for your health

People who trust and believe things they read in newspapers and watch on TV live healthier lives than media cynics.

A study of 39,000 people in 29 Asian countries has found that those who place the most trust in the mass media also reported being the healthiest.

Researchers from Chuo University in Japan discovered that people in the Maldives had the most trust and good health while cynics in Hong Kong were more sickly.

Those people who trusted the press also tended to be married, have a higher income and better friendships.

So do you believe us? ... given your health is at stake, can you afford not to.

Many Brits died on the Titanic because they were too polite and queued for lifeboats, researchers claim.

Behavioral experts say Americans had a greater chance of survival on the Titanic maiden voyage of 1912 because they were more "individualist."

While many Brits stood back and let others get onto lifeboats, the researcher say Americans pushed their way onto them to save their own lives. 

Using economics' key concepts of scarcity and self-interest the experts concluded the social queuing etiquette kicked in despite the life and death situation.

Statistics show that despite generally being further from the life boats than Brits, 25 percent more US passengers were saved, a case of man-ners overboard.

A tailor is so convinced their shirts will help job-hunters they are offering money back if you don't get a job after wearing one to an interview. 

The bespoke shirt maker claims that appearance is more important at job interviews than many people believe, and that their shirts will impress any interviewer.

Green and Jack's is offering the deal - where they refund 50% of the £79 price - to anyone who buys a bespoke shirt in February, wears it to a job interview, but fails to land the job.

Unsuccessful job hunters will need to send the London based company a photo of themselves wearing the Green and Jack's bespoke shirt and written proof of job rejection.

A note to interviewees, it is probably best to save the comment 'Can I have a letter to get money back on my shirt?' until after the job interview has finished.

Blow-up doll bandit arrested

Police have arrested a man they believe broke into an adult sex shop to have intercourse with blow-up dolls.

The 23-year-old man is thought to have smashed his way into the store in Cairns, Australia on a number of occasions before having his wicked way with an inflatable conquest.

On each occasion he is understood to have taken a "Jungle Jane" doll, had sex with it in an alley behind the store before discarded them - police were able to recover DNA from one of the dolls.

Wow, we got through that without any dodgy blow-up doll puns or references to 'taking her up the back alley.' Doh! we just blew it didn't we? Doh! and again.

Frogs are being eaten into extinction

Garlic munching French chefs are being blamed for bringing frogs to the brink of extinction.

Scientists from the University of Adelaide say the amphibians are now being eaten at such a pace it is threatening their extinction.

A whopping ONE BILLION of the hopping creatures were eaten last year and boffins now want sustainable harvests brought in to stop the animals from croaking for good.

"Amphibians are already the most threatened animal group yet assessed because of disease, habitat loss and climate change - man's massive appetite for their legs is not helping." said Professor Bradshaw.

You could say the amphibian loving academic is hopping mad about the matter.

Music teachers told to wear ear plugs

Health and safety bosses have warned school music teachers they should wear ear muffs and other hearing protection when 'listening' to students play.

They claim that just 15 minutes of a student blasting out a tune could damage their hearing because beginners play louder than professionals.

The Health and Safety Executive website also suggests teachers stand behind noise screens and avoid playing along themselves to reduce overall noise.

It is even suggested that special devices are fitted to instruments so they don't make ANY sound.

What's next ... are PE teachers going to be told to sit children down in front of Sky Sports rather than go outside because someone might fall over?

Island reef job 'faked' applications

The people behind 'the world's best job' have admitted faking video applications for the position. 

You wouldn't think there would been a shortage of people applying for the £70k post, but Aussie tourism bosses uploaded fake applications - including one where a woman gets a "Barrier Reef" tattoo on her arm.

They insist the faked videos were only uploaded as examples of the sort of thing they were looking for and were not intended to deceive people.

However, for some the news prompted fears that if they get the job they could end up working at a call centre in Wigan rather than scuba-diving in Australia.

Dung beetle quits dung for hunting

A species of dung beetle has abandoned its traditional faeces feast and has started hunting millipedes 10 times its length.

Scientists found the 'Deltochilum valgum' finally decided there had to be something better to eat than a ball of dung ... even if it is a toxic millipede.

Researchers say this is a rare example of a scavenger species turning carnivore and that the beetles now decapitate the millipedes before eating their insides.

Dr Trond Larsen of Princeton University made the discovery while using a night-vision camera to film the beetles. 

The tropical ecologist believe this unique evolutionary transition was driven by competition for food ... come on seriously, how much competition can there be to eat dung?

A teenager who lost his left hand in a car accident has been fitted with a £10,000 bionic one.

19-year-old Evan Reynolds can even control the hand to pick up delicate items or type on a keyboard just by thinking. 

Sensors in the i-Limb hand pick up electrical signals from the muscles in his left arm and respond accordingly.

Evan says the hand has helped him during his sports biology course at University of the West of England and that he can even still play rugby.

Luckily he refrained from disclosing whether he used the hand for any other activities you might associate with a 19-year-old guy with too much time on his hands.

Women struggle more with food cravings

Women find it harder than men to resist eating their favorite food, claim scientists.

Researchers found that men are better able to 'switch off' thoughts of tempting treats, which could explain their lower rates of obesity.

Brain scans showed that when women are shown their favorite food a number of complex mechanisms kick into action which they are not able to control.

Men however, were better able to resist their cravings reducing activity in regions of the brain linked to emotions and memory activation.

Women - busy stuffing their faces with cake - claim it is typical of men to turn off parts of their brain, particularly emotions and memory.

Tiny robots so small they can be injected into the bloodstream could soon be used to help carry out surgical procedures.

40 years after 'microscopic submarines' were featured in the sci-fi movie Fantastic Voyage, boffins say they have become a reality, but without a tiny Raquel Welch.

Scientists have created micro-motors - just twice the width of a human hair - which will power tiny robots around the body of stroke victims.

Doctors will be able to control the robot gaining a unique view of things like a stroke-damaged cranial artery via a camera mounted to the front.

Now they have got the microscopic robots sorted the experts are working on creating a tiny Raquel Welch.

Japanese turn to Obama to learn English

Hundreds of thousands of Japanese people are trying to learn English from Barack Obama.

A book compiling his speeches, along with Japanese translations and a CD, has been snapped up by over 400,000 would-be English speakers.

Publishers of 'The Speeches of Barack Obama' Asahi Press say Obamas use of words such as such as 'yes, we can' 'change' and 'hope' can easily be understood and remembered.

The 95-page book includes his famous speeches from the 2004 Democratic National Convention and the Democratic Party primaries ... the book will also be out of date later this afternoon.

At least they didn't try to learn English from George 'Dubya' Bush - we would have all misunderestimated their ability.

Scientists: Why you can't hurry love

Playing hard to get and not sleeping with someone on the first date helps women find a 'good' man, claim scientists.

Researchers have even produced a mathematical formula to show why women should not jump into bed with a man too early.

They say the complex model show who an extended courtship allows women to dismiss unsuitable partners and produces better relationships.

Prof Robert Seymour, of University College London says his study backed up the advice dished out by Agony Aunts about not sleeping with a man on the first date.

I think it is fairly safe to say Prof Seymour is not currently in the market for a new partner ... he would have kept quiet about his findings if he was. 

The world's biggest hanging basket has been erected in London, weighing a whopping quarter of a ton.

The giant floral display measures over 20ft by 10ft and contains over 100 types of flowers including orchids, roses and conifers.

It even took a team of workers over EIGHT hours to hang from the front of the Hotel Indigo, in Paddington, though it looks more like the hotel is hanging from it.
Dubbed the 'The Hanging Gardens of Paddington' the hanging basket was designed to promote the launch of the £125 per night hotel.

A spokesman said: "Our new hotel is all about unique design ... so what better way to mark its arrival in the UK than by creating the world's largest hanging basket?" - Er, anything.

Gran kidnaps washing machine repair man

A grandmother 'kidnapped' a repairman in a desperate bid to get her washing machine fixed.

The woman from County Durham had been without her machine for three weeks when a repairman finally turned up to try and fix it.

But when the Currys engineer told her he was unable repair the machine Tracey Fox went mad and barricaded him in her home.

She told him that she would not let him out until the machine was fixed and that he would have to call police to release him or repair the washing machine.

Being a typical 'repair' man he took the option that didn't involve working and called 999. Durham Police attended the scene and the man was released.

The most miserable day of the year

Today is Blue Monday, the day experts believe is the most miserable 24 hours of the year.

They say the 19th January has the "combined depressive effects" of poor weather, unpaid Christmas bill and failed New Year resolutions. 

Added to this the wait for the next pay packet and general economic doom and gloom are said to make it a horrible day for many people.

Psychologists even predict that one in four of us will call in sick today, because we can't face going to work.

However, it is not clear how staying at home at watching Cash in the attic followed by Loose Women is going to improve anyones mood.

Robbers kill OAP's budgie

Burglars snapped the neck of an elderly women's pet budgie when she refused to hand over money.

The robbers had pushed he 78-year-old woman over as they forced their way into her home in Cardiff, Wales, demanding £100.

When she refused to give them the cash they threatened her with her own walking-stick before killing her pet budgie by snapping its neck in front of her.

They then searched her house stealing £150 before locking the old lady inside the house with her own keys.

Police say the men are white, in their 20s, spoke with a Cardiff accent ... they could also be fans of Monty Pythons Dead Parrot Sketch.

A team of British scuba divers have set a new world record ... for underwater ironing.

128 divers braved the freezing winter temperatures to break the world record, held by the Australians for the most number of divers ironing at the same time underwater.

Each was armed with an ironing board and iron as they submerged to depths of 6-55m at the National Diving and Activity Centre Chepstow, but only 86 managed the task simultaneously.

One diver said: "I understand the importance of getting the record back off the Aussies but think we should have waited till the summer, it was bloody freezing out there ... and they get to do this in Melbourne." 

Barack Obama has already been already inaugurated as President ... of Legoland.

Using tens of thousands of bricks a historic scene was built showing President-elect Barack Obama at the event which will be held on Tuesday.

President-elect Obama, his family, Vice President-elect Joseph Biden and his wife Jill, President George Bush and First Lady Laura Bush are all depicted with block-headed figures in the Legoland California exhibition.

Over 20 members of staff helped create the display which features press, secret service and thousands of audience members ... now the Lego Obama can focus on building a better future.

Man dropped gun and shot toilet

A man shot himself in the arm and exploded a toilet when he dropped his gun while pulling up his trousers after going to the loo.

The 26-year-old had forgotten the 40 caliber "Khar P40" auto handgun was tucked into a holster in his trousers as he used the toilet in Utah.  

When he had finished his business, the blundering bloke pulled up his trousers knocking the gun loose and onto the tiles floor. 

The fall triggered the gun to go off and the shocked man was glad he was already in the toilet.

Pamela Anderson: Dogs cannot use condoms

Pamela Anderson has written a letter to Indian city bosses telling them not to kill stray dogs.

In the bizarre letter - written on behalf of PETA - the former Baywatch babe even points out that dogs can't wear condoms and it is not their fault if they breed.

She goes on to tell Jairaj Phatak, the municipal commissioner of Greater Mumbai, to adopt a sterilisation programme for the homeless dogs rather than killing them.

"Dogs cannot use condoms, but with the municipality's help, they can be 'fixed' – painlessly, quickly and permanently." Anderson wrote.

There are believed to be around 70,000 stray dogs in Mumbai which contributes to the spread of diseases including rabies.

Gamers don't enjoy gore in violent games

Video-gamers who play violent games such as GTA 4 and Call of Duty 5 are not motivated by the gore but the pleasure of mastering a challenge, say scientists.

Research shows that contrary to popular belief, violence does not make video games more enjoyable and can actually spoil a game for most players.

Psychologists say it was the ability to conquer obstacles, feel effective, and have lots of choices about strategies and actions which motivated both seasoned and novice gamers.

Oddly though not too many would want to swap their copy of Call of Duty 5 for a Sudoku book and a jigsaw.

NASA have proof Mars is alive

NASA has revealed plans for a mission to Mars after detecting signs of life under the planet's surface.

Boffins have discovered methane gas in the red planet's atmosphere which they claim indicates Mars is either biologically or geologically active.

The gas was picked up by three highly-powerful infra-red telescopes which were trained onto the surface of Mars for several years.

The experts say the discovery means microscopic Martian life could exist under the surface where it is warm enough for liquid water to exist .. and they want to go and find it.

The odd news comes as a surprise as most people would have expected methane to be discovered on Uranus first.

Wind farm damage could have been UFO

The owners of a wind turbine which was mysteriously damaged say are not ruling out that could have been caused by a UFO.

One of the giant blades was broken off the generator in Lincolnshire last weekend with the cause unknown.

Ecotricity - which owns the site - say they are still investigating the accident but that it "takes a lot" to bend or break the 65ft blades.

Speaking on BBC Radio 4 a spokesman for the company said: "Until a definite cause can be identified we shouldn't rule anything out. To make one of these blades fall off, or to bend it, takes a lot."

Flying Saucer 'experts' think this could prove that aliens are out there ... and that they are rubbish drivers.

Many of the UKs eight million high-definition TVs are wasted on people with poor eyesight, it has been claimed.

While the images produced on the fancy new televisions are far superior opticians say many viewers can't pick up on the increased resolution and improved colours.

A study by Vision Express found that 60 percent of Brits have not had an eye test in the past 12 months and that of those who do, 66 percent need a new prescription in their glasses.

This means that when sat on their sofa many people are not getting the best out of their whopping 42 inch televisions.

A similar study has found that deaf people are unable to tell the difference between DAB and FM.

Klingon keyboard baffles your co-workers

A Star Trek inspired keyboard with the letters of the Klingon alphabet has gone on sale in the UK. 

Offering sci-fi geeks who have learnt the fictional alien language the chance to e-mail in Klingon it is expected to become a bestseller.

The £44 device is said to work with most computers and allows users to input characters of the "pIqaD" alphabet.

Klingon - which was created for the 1984 Star Trek movie is now said to be the most widely-spoken fictional language in the world.

Books including the Bible and the works of Shakespeare have already been translated into Klingon ... now so can your emails.

40 percent of people laugh at bad jokes

Almost 40 percent of us will laugh at a bad joke even if we don't find it funny, is has been found.

Armed with the joke "What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? Nothing. Chimneys can't talk" researchers monitored the reaction of over 200 people.

Laughter was surprisingly the most common response with 37 percent followed by people who said 'that's not funny' - less then 1 in 100 actually groaned.

The boffins from Washington State University believe the laughter is often caused because people are amused at being let down by the joke.

That has got to be the best bit of news Jim Davidson has read all day.

Birds get special flight nappies

Proving there is no problem which they can't find a bizarre solution for, American inventors have created a nappy for birds.

They claim the 'flightsuit' is ideal for bird owners who want to let their pets fly around the house, but don't want to b constantly cleaning up after them.

The bird nappy - which makers say are easy to put on and take off - comes in a variety of sizes and can fit anything from a tiny Budgie to a massive Macaw.

Each of the reusable nappies will cost about £15, which, comapred to refurbing your sofa is cheap.

The only problem is the diapered birds may want to peck their owner's eyes out when they get home.

Coffee addicts see dead people

People who drink too much coffee are more likely to hallucinate and think they see ghosts, a study has found.

Those who drink more than seven cups of coffee per day are three times more likely to hear voices and see things that are not there, claims the Durham University study.

The researchers say anything which contributes to your caffeine intake - such as tea, coffee, energy drinks and even chocolate - can have an impact.

200 students were used in the study and many reported hearing voices, seeing things and having a strong sense that they were in the presence of the dead. Maybe this explains why Starbucks always seems so busy ... it's full of ghosts.

Why your office could be making you sick

Open-plan offices make workers more likely to catch a cold and suffer from stress and high blood pressure, research has found.

Academics who studied a number of offices said that the modern layout means germs and therefore illnesses like flu are passed around quickly.

They also discovered the noise levels and distractions mean 90 percent of workers are less productive and more irritable.

Dr Vinesh Oommen of Queensland University of Technology said: "Based on these findings, I think employers around the country need to rethink the open-plan environment in their offices."

We have a sneaky suspicion that a certain Dr Oommen has been trying to get his own office and thinks this 'study' could persuade his boss.

Dogs go for walkies on dog treadmill

Lazy pet owners will soon be able to take their dog for a walk in the comfort of their own living-room ... thanks to a new dog treadmill.

The £380 device has been specifically designed for dogs to take themselves for walkies and features an extra soft rubber belt for their paws.

Makers say it with a top speed of 5mph the canine treadmill can offer the same quality exercise for your pooch as a brisk outdoor walk.

But you should remember, while it is fine at taking the dog for a walk, it is no good for playing fetch.

Baby named Zealand-New

A baby girl has been named Zealand-New, can you guess where her parents are from?

She was born earlier this week at Tauranga Hospital in (you guessed it) ... New Zealand.

Parents say they picked the unique moniker after "fiddling around" saying things back-to-front.

The poor child can now look forward to a life with the full name 'Zealand-New Sharron Phyllis Atareta Davoren' - which somehow sounds even worse when said in a kiwi accent.

The parents already have three children named Rlexuz Toara Chantz Te Moni, Mikaere Morgan Te Moni and Korizma-Lake Vonnita Manaaki Te Moni ... oddly they now hate filling in forms.

McDonald's litter accounts for almost a third of all fast food rubbish dropped in the UK, it has been claimed.

Keep Britain Tidy spent two days observing fast food litter in 10 cities across the UK finding that 29 percent of all junk food rubbish found on the streets comes from the popular burger chain.

Their litter survey goes on to name local chippies and kebab shops as the next worst (21%), followed by Greggs the bakers who generated almost a fifth of the UKs fast food litter.

Academics from Manchester Metropolitan University add that seeing branded litter could also put customers off eating at a particular chain.

If people are not put off by the taste of a McDonald's do they really think the sight of a paper bag is going to stop them stuffing their faces with burgers?

A website offering the 'best job in the world' has crashed after too many people tried to apply for the £70k post.

Yesterday we told you how an 'island caretaker' was being sought for a six-month position on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef in what sounded like the perfect job. 

It seems like a few too many of you agreed, the website islandreefjob.com crashed when over 850,000 would-be islanders logged on to find out how to apply in the first 24 hours.

Aussie tourism bosses have said the successful applicant will have duties including feeding turtles, keeping an eye on the whales, and picking up the island's post.

Dog 'too fat to walk' gets special diet

A dog which is too fat to walk, or even stand up, has been put on an emergency low-fat diet by vets.

Patch, a obese Beagle Cross, weighed a whopping 28kg (4.5 stone) when he was taken to a dogs charity in Glasgow just before Christmas.

Vets say his legs were not able to support his massive body - he was twice the weight he should be and the size of an eight-year-old child.

After developing a special harness to carry some of his weight the Dogs Trust have put him on a special diet to get the overweight pooch down to 15kg.

Once Patch has slimmed to more modest size the charity will try to find him a new home ... at the moment few houses have doors wide enough.

City traders who have ring fingers which are longer than their index finger make the most money, claim scientists.

Researchers from Cambridge University go on to add that those stockbrockers with relatively short ring fingers make the least money.

This they claim, is not because the extra finger length contains any innate trading ability but that those with the long digits were exposed to high levels of prenatal testosterone.

The higher testosterone levels are said to make them more adventurous and likely to take risks - a positive trait in a job which relies on split-second decisions.

Cue lots of City traders today looking at their hands and saying to each other: "I have got more trading ability in my little finger..."

Smell website sniffs out best odours

A Japanese website has started cataloging and mapping the interesting smells their users encounter.

Nioi-Bu (Smell Club) has over 200 members who write descriptions of the odours they have sniffed and pinpoint on a map exactly where the offending smell was.

The 'smellists' click on a Google map to add their smell description and other visitors can search by location or type of whiff.

Some of the 160 recorded pongs include 'tramp who smells of urine' and 'cat with bad breath.'

That kind of makes us glad they haven't found a way of making the smell come from our laptops.

Jumbo jet hotel launches in Boeing 474

An abandoned jumbo jet has been converted into a unusual hotel which will launch open later this week.

Most people can't wait to get off the plane when they go on holiday, but bosses hope they will book in to stay in the Boeing 747 has been 'parked' at Arlanda Airport, Stockholm.

The former Singapore Airlines and Pan Am jet has undergone a make-over converting it to a 25 room hotel which sleeps 74 people. 

Bosses say the idea is really taking off and over 200 people have already booked a stay, they refused to comment on how many visitors were aeroplane geeks and could be on a road to nowhere.

A Romanian TV presenter has landed her station a £1,000 fine and lost her job after throwing a tantrum because no viewers called in to a competition.

When the phones went quiet during the live TV show Adela Lupse went crazy shouting "I want the phone to ring now. Now. Call me now." 

She threw the phone to the ground, stamped on it and even jumped up and down in a huff at the lack of calls.

Bosses at the TV station fired the presenter of three years for her outburst of "unjustified violence" but now the Romanian TV watchdogs have stepped in.

An Eastern European bride, who is getting married in London, has placed an advert to find guests for her wedding because most of her family can't make it for the big day.

The Ukrainian woman says she is having a large mixed wedding but while there are about 150 people going, most are guests of her partner.

As only her parents are attending she placed the advert on Gumtree to find 30 people to represent her at the church.

Thinking of her wedding photographs she has asked that anyone wanting to be a bridesmaid, groomsman or usher should send a picture so she knows they are "decent." 

Guests will get a free meal ...  and an uncomfortable response when they tell people how they know the bride.

Peter Mandelson goes virtual

Labour have created a virtual Peter Mandelson which will be used to convince computer geeks to vote for them.

The realistic looking Second Life avatar appeared to help launch a new independent Labour website, LabourList.org where lefties can gather to discuss ideas.

Writing on the site Mandelson said: "The Labour party itself is now moving to the forefront of new media and online campaigning. I am glad to be a part of that, even if it is with my tongue in my virtual cheek."

Unlike many users of Second Life - who often create themselves 10ft tall and with wings, Mandelson seems to have gone for a more realistic avatar ... except for the shade of his hair.

Dairy Milk contains milk! Shocker

Chocolate makers Cadbury have started printing health warning on bars of Dairy Milk ... telling shoppers it contains milk.

Despite being called Dairy MILK and having a picture of milk being poured on every packet, Cadbury say the warning had to be added to meet legal requirements.

From now on the wrapper for each bar will display a yellow box with a warning in capital letters: "CONTAINS:MILK" 

Bars of Dairy Milk Whole Nut will also carry the message: "CONTAINS:NUTS, MILK" to alert people to the presence of possible allergens in the food.

It is thought by many that the government regulations which insist on stating the blindingly obvious food labels should also include the warning "Contains Nutty rules."

Island job could be best in the world

Fancy a job which will pay you £70,000 to do THREE hours work per week for six months?

Did I mention the job is based on a stunning Australian island and you would be living rent free in a luxurious three-bedroom villa?

Well not only does such a job exist but it is currently up for grabs and they are taking applications. But back off, we like the sound of this ourselves.

Aussie tourism bosses are looking for a 'Island Caretaker' to look after Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef where duties will include feeding turtles, keeping an eye on the whales, and picking up the island's post.

Obama meets Spiderman in comic

President-elect Barack Obama has appeared on the cover of a Spider-man comic after admitting he was a fan of the superhero.

During his campaign Obama revealed that he had collected Spider-Man comics as a child and mentioned him at a number of events.

Now bosses at Marvel Comics have decided to give the president-to-be the ultimate comic book geek treat, and put him on the cover of the latest edition.

In the $3.99 (Amazing Spider-Man #583) Spider-man spots there are two identical Obamas at his inauguration and springs into action, taking out the impostor.

Many voters hope Obama can be a first superhero President and save the world from impending doom ... lets just hope he never walks out to a press conference at the White House wearing a red and blue lycra suit.

Weird Week - The odd news video podcast

Weird Week, the video podcast from NewsLite.tv is back - each week Steve Folland will be bringing you his take on the top off-beat, weird and wacky news stories. 

You can watch the latest podcast online by clicking 'news:lite TV' in the menu bar, or you can subscribe to it on iTunes by clicking the 'Podcast' button in the left hand menu.

Mosquitoes perform Dengue fever duets

Researchers have found that the courtship ritual of Mosquitoes includes the loved up pair whining a duet to one another in the air.

It appears they both adjust the pitch of their whines, caused by flapping their wings, until they both reach the romantically charged frequency of 1,200 hertz.

They discovered this after tethering the insects to pins and recording them with specialist microphones. So it could just be that 1,200 hertz is the pitch mosquitoes use when they're shouting for help.

Scientists from Cornell University hope that by interfering with the duet they can reduce the numbers mating. They want to release modified males unable to adjust their pitch properly. 

Sad then that once this happens you will no longer hear whining duets creating a sickening loved up feeling. Unless you?re watching High School Musical.

VIDEO: Cat interrupts weather forecast

A cat made a guest appearance on TV after wandering onto the set of Germany's leading meteorologist as he was broadcasting a live weather forecast.

Weatherman Joerg Kachelmann had just started his broadcast when the cat appeared at his feet, and on TV.

But rather than try to shoo it away, Kachelmann scooped it up and stroked it as he continued to deliver his forecast.

As for the weather he was predicting ... unfortunately he wasn't able to say it was going to be raining cats and dogs.

Cajun squirrel crisps go on sale

Crisps which taste of a fried breakfast, chilli and chocolate, and even Cajun squirrel have gone on sale in the UK.

The bizarre flavours were each dreamt up by members of the public and are part of a competition by Walkers to find a unique new taste.

Others include; onion bhaji, fish and chips and crispy duck - each will now be available until May and crisp fans are encouraged to vote for their top one.

Chef Heston "Snail porridge" Blumenthal led a judging panel which picked the entries from over 1,000,000 suggestions.

Speaking of the Cajun squirrel crisps he said: "There is always one. No squirrels were harmed in the making of these crisps. This is one pack of crisps you do not want to miss."

Jonathan Ross could Twitter on TV

Jonathan Ross is set to release his inner geek on TV when he returns to our screens, by using Twitter with Stephen Fry during his Friday night chat show.

The BBC comedian has embraced the social network website Twitter where users update during his enforced holiday sending up-to 20 messages each day.

Twitter allows its six million users broadcast 140-character messages from the web or their mobile phone, with other users picking who to follow.

48-year-old Ross is using the service to tell people what his is doing, to chat with fans and to have the occasional dig at pal David Baddiel who he named as one of his 'non-famous friends'.

But as newspapers like the Daily Mail are now watching his every tweet it can only be a matter of time before with a Jonathan Ross 'Tweetgate'.

Tommy Lynch has spent the last year touring the world trying to find the best swimming pool slides ... and he even got paid to do it.

The 29-year-old travelled more than 27,000 miles in his job rating slides for their height, speed, water quantity and landing.

At each one he dons his Speedos and gives it a go. Even if he does say so himself the job is going swimmingly well.

And how many people can say they are guaranteed to make splash at work everyday?

The UK's largest greenhouse opens

A greenhouse housing more than half a million tomato and pepper plants has started production in the UK.

The construction is so big you could fit 19 Premiership football pitches inside, or Heathrow's Terminal 5 building ... twice.

Staff have now planted the 500,000 plants, so even if they don't have green fingers, they will have tired ones.

Bosses say Kent's 'Thanet Earth' - a 91-hectare complex of seven humungous greenhouses -  will soon grow 12 percent of all the salad consumed in the UK.

But remember, you could grow ALL of the salad consumed in Scotland on your window ledge.

Shark autopsy broadcast online

A museum has broadcast the autopsy of a Great White shark live on the internet, to raise awareness of the threats facing them.

Over 1,500 travelled to New Zealand's Auckland Museum to watch the autopsy in person and more than 30,000 tuned in online.

It recreated the scenes from Jaws where Richard Dreyfuss cuts open the stomach of a shark to find a crushed tin can and a license plate.

Organizers say the autopsy of the 10ft, 660lbs monster was conducted to raise awareness of the threats facing the Great White species and to further the knowledge of their biology.

It is understood that the restaurant at the museum will tomorrow have some great deals on their sushi.

Porn bosses $5 billion bailout bid

Porn bosses are asking the US government for a huge handout ... we assume they are talking about money.

Hustler's Larry Flynt and "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis have asked for a $5 billion federal bailout of adult entertainment or "stimulation package."

They say the recession has made the industry go limp and they need the same kind of financial assistance recently approved for car manufacturers.

While the US porn industry generated $12 billion in 2007, DVD sales fell by 20 percent last year and Flynt says online content isn't as profitable.

If it gets much worse the poor porn moguls could lose the shirt off their backs, just like their stars.

Tetris could help trauma victims

Playing Tetris could reduce the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, scientists have claimed.

Researchers found that playing the popular Nintendo game can help victims forget bad memories and reduces the occurrence of distressing flashbacks.

Psychologists from Oxford University made the discovery by getting a group of people to watch traumatic film consisting of scenes of real injury and death before getting half to play Tetris for 20 minutes.

Over the next week the researchers monitored the group and found that those who had played the falling block game experienced significantly fewer flashbacks.

Oddly those who played Grand Theft Auto IV were likely to have more distressed sleep and nightmares.

Brown takes on Cameron, in the kitchen

They battle it out at the dispatch box every week during PMQs, but now Gordon Brown and David Cameron are taking it into the kitchen.

The political pair have each submitted a rival recipes for a charity cookbook in what has been dubbed "the clash in the kitchen."

'Saints and Celebrities Cookbook' is being produced by the congregation of a church in West Yorkshire who wrote to over 100 famous faces asking them to submit the recipe for their top dish.

While other contributors including Sir Cliff Richard and Jilly Cooper it is Brown's Vegetable and mozzarella parcels and Cameron's Italian sausage meat pasta, which are getting all the attention.

In this case getting the best approval rating will be more about filling peoples stomachs rather than winning their hearts and minds.

Silent radio station launches quietly

A new radio station has been launched which plays music ... silently.

Twitter based radio station 'Twadio' plays songs by popular artists ranging from Rihanna to Oasis, but not in a way anyone can listen to.

Its creators suggest that simply by knowing the name of a track and the artist, the songs can get stuck in your head in the same way as a regular radio station.

As such "listeners" who sign up to the station on Twitter, receive the details of a new song every few minutes on their computer or mobile phone.

Hundreds of people have already signed up to what the Emperor would have almost certainly received if he had asked for a radio station instead of new clothes.

Mathematician is best recession job

Being a mathematician is the best job you can have during a recession, claim employment experts.

After analyzing a number of jobs in terms of, job security, emotional stress, hiring outlook and basic physical safety, they found number jobs came out top.

Behind mathematician in the list of top 10 recession jobs was insurance actuary and statistician.

Contrary to the Monty Python song "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK" the experts at CareerCast.com say the red flannel shirt wearing, tree cutting job is the worst to have at the moment.

Bees get a buzz from cocaine

Scientists have conducted research hoping to solve that age-old question: "What happens if you give a honey bee cocaine?"

Knowing honey bees, like humans, are motivated by rewards, Australian researchers set out to test the hypothesis that they are also vulnerable to cocaine.

After applying a tiny drop of cocaine solution to the bees' backs they monitored their dance communication system, which is used to tell other bees where food is and how good it tastes.

The researchers say the cocaine bees danced much more enthusiastically than normal and even had withdrawal difficulties going cold turkey.

For their next task the boffins will be investing in a video camera and recording a special honey bee version of Trainspotting.

Atheists drive home message with bus ads

Richard Dawkins has helped launch a £140,000 Atheist advertising campaign telling people "There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

Ads will now run on 800 busses across the UK along with 1,000 adverts on the London Underground and two large LCD screens on Oxford Street.

The cash for the adverts was raised after comedy writer Ariane Sherine launched a campaign to get enough money (£5,500) to have the slogan appear on just one bus.

However, within four days it had raised £100,000 in donations from the general public. In total it raised over £135,000, smashing its original target by 2,400 percent. Sherine said: "You wait ages for an atheist bus and then 800 come along at once.

Fish are not as forgetful as was previously thought and can remember things for up to five months, scientists claim.

Academics in Israel say their research proves the commonly held belief that fish have a three second memory, is a myth.

The scientists from the Technion Institute of Technology in Haifa, Israel, trained a group of fish to respond to a sound, coming to a set location for food whenever they heard it.

It was discovered the fish could remember what to do for periods of between four and five months ... so your goldfish should have no problem recognizing the castle or diver in its bowl.

"The research lays to rest the opinion that fish have a short memory span of only three seconds and demonstrates that fish actually have a memory span that lasts 4 to 5 months," said a spokesman for the project. 

Top 10 stupid statements of 2008

Sometimes people can't open their mouths without saying something stupid, well it looks like 2008 was one of those years.

A list of the top 10 most stupid statements of 2008 has been compiled and it includes classics such as Prince Harry - 3rd in line for the UK throne - saying he doesn't like England.

Other gems in the list include President elect Barack Obama talking about the 57 states of America and a wine magazine giving an 'Award of Excellence' to a fictional restaurant.

A spokesperson for Mega Genius, who compiled the list said they were examples of "crash-and-burn lapses in intelligence."

Amazingly George 'Dubya' Bush somehow doesn't feature in the list, maybe organizers were worried he could take up all 10 spots if they included him.

Man convicted of getting dog drunk

A man who forced a dog to get drunk on cans of Stella Artois has become the first person to be convicted of the crime.

Bronx a five-year-old Bull Mastiff cross is said to have been "staggering around, looking confused and generally depressed," when RSPCA officers were called to rescue him.

A court heard how his owner Andrew Wilson, 31, from Bristol, gave Bronx a can of Stella before hitting him over the head in June last year. He was also accused of plying Bronx with vodka.

RSPCA officers say they found the dog had a dangerous amount of alcohol in his body and had Bronx been much smaller, may not have survived.

The drunk dog was taken straight to Bristol Dogs and Cats Home where he made a full recovery, though he felt 'woof' the next morning.

Art gallery throws shoes at Bush

An artist has opened an exhibition where members of the public are invited to fling shoes at a portrait of George W. Bush.

For $1 people can follow in the barefoot footsteps of Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi who was arrested last month for throwing his shoes at the US President.

Visitors to the Mada Shell Gallery in Ashland, Oregon are each issued with get a trainer, boot or sandal, the soles of which are coated with red paint.

They then get to throw the shoe at an eight-foot portrait of Dubya covering him with red marks.

Most visitors are said to be really putting their 'art and sole' into it and throwing the shoes at Bush as hard as they can.

BBC test card is back, now in HD

The BBC has introduced a HD version of the famous test card featuring a young girl playing noughts and crosses with a toy clown.

BBC Test Card F was first transmitted in 1967 and the photo is surrounded by test graphics designed to help people set up their TV.

But because new TVs are capable of showing much more detail, the card has recently not been of much use, until technicians remastered the original image for new High-definition televisions.

The famous photo was shown each night after programming finished from 1967 to 1998 meaning with over 70,000 hours of coverage Carole Hersee has been on TV even more than Bruce Forsyth.

Size 8 women get more sex

Women who wear a size 8 dress have sex more than anyone else, a study has found.
60 percent of ladies who measure a petite size eight - like X-Factor winner Leona Lewis and - say they have had sex in the past week.
The poll, commissioned by LighterLife.com, quizzed 3,000 women about their dress size and how often they had sex, finding that 50 percent of size 12 women had also bedded someone within the past seven days.

But for size 26 women this was dropped to just 33 percent ... and some of the men didn't have any say in the matter.

It was also found that one in ten obese people had not had sex in over a YEAR - because they are so worried about being seen naked.

Singer has hiccups for two years

A singer has been suffering from a hiccuping fit for the past two years.

Christopher Sands says his hiccups are so bad he is rarely able to get through a complete song, never gets a full nights sleep and struggles to keep food down. 

The 25-year old - who hiccups up to once every two seconds - says he has been unable to work or perform with his band, Ebullient and currently receives incapacity benefit.

Medics say there is no physical explanation for Chris's hiccups but think his problem could stem from an acid reflux condition caused by a damaged valve in his stomach.

As such he is set to undergo key-hole surgery on his stomach valve, which isn't one of the "drink a glass of water" or "being surprised" types cures your mother used to suggest.

New golf clubs could damage your hearing

Doctors have warned golfers that while new titanium clubs can add yards to your drive, they could also damage your hearing.

Boffins say golfers using a new generation of titanium drivers - which help players hit the ball further - should wear ear plugs while doing so. 

The must-have ultra-thin clubs are said to make a distinctive sound when the ball is hit with some describing it as "like a gun going off."

Research carried out by a team of ear specialists based at Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital suggest the sound can be so loud it can even damage hearing.

The doctors - who may also have taken the clubs out of the lab to see if they could improve their handicap - compared the sounds made by different types of clubs.

A priest who died after floating out to sea while holding 1,000 helium-filled party balloons has picked up a posthumous award for his stupidity.

Reverend Adelir Antonio di Carli is the 2008 winner of the Darwin Award - which each year commemorates people who took themselves out of the gene pool by dying in a stupid fashion.

The Catholic priest had been trying to set a 19-hour world record for clustered balloon flight when winds scooped him up and carried him out to sea.

Despite taking a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS the priest died because he didn't know how to work his GPS and tell rescuers where he was.

The moral of the story, don't let God be your guide if you already have a GPS.

City gets public urination spots

Signs have been erected across Nottingham telling residents they are allowed to pee in the streets in the evening.

However city bosses say the signs - "Public Urination Permitted After 7.30pm" - are fake and that anyone caught taking an open air pee could be prosecuted.

Many people are said to have thought the laminated notes signs were genuine as they were accompanied by a official looking letter headed with the logo of Nottingham City Council.

But the council is now taking down the signs in a bid to stop people creating their own River Trent and warns that is an offence to urinate in public.

A motorcycle stuntman has performed a record breaking 37 metre jump onto a replica of the Arc de Triomphe.

Aussie Robbie Madison drove up the ramp at 55mph before taking to the air and landing at the top of replica of the French landmark in Las Vegas 

Shortly after pulling off the gravity-defying 105ft leap he set another record by turning around and driving off the building.

"I just cheated death again," said Maddison, who needed a less impressive trip to a local hospital after lacerating his left hand during the landing.

Diver shoots own groin with speargun

An Australian snorkeller has accidentally shot himself in the groin with a speargun while diving off the coast near Brisbane.

Greg Robertson had been spearfishing when a wave caught his speargun and knocked it out of his hands - as he tried to recover it another wave pushed him onto the weapon.

The two-metre long spear fired and was left embedded in his thigh and according to rescue workers missed his genitals by millimetres.

A rescue helicopter was called out and crew performed a winch rescue before taking him to hospital where he had surgery to remove the spear.

It is said to have been the first time the Greg had gone spearfishing ... I'm guessing it could be the last too.

Hamster powered paper shredder

A designer has come up with a environmentally friendly paper shredder ... which is powered by a hamster.

The bizarre device is the creation of 29-year-old designer Tom Ballhatchet who wanted to create a product that captured people's imagination while addressing issues of climate change and recycling.

As the rodent runs in its wheel the motion powers the shredder and the cut paper falls into the base of the cage as fresh bedding.

You just have to feel a bit sorry for the poor hamster, Tom say it takes them 45 minutes of running flat out to shred just one sheet of paper. But the hamster has made his bed, now he can lie in it.

Why your inbox could have 3,000 emails

Your inbox could have over 3,000 unread emails waiting for you when you go back to work, it has been claimed.

Technology experts say the average office worker will have amassed 450 messages over Christmas with heavy email users having a 'Spamalanche' of 3,000 messages waiting.

They say even 'light' email users will have 185 emails waiting to be read, meaning workers could be forced to spend hours if not days clearing their inbox.

While their research suggests 70 percent of the messages will be either spam or or un-wanted email they warn of the dangers of simply deleting all.

70 percent seem a bit optimistic to me, if I had 3,000 unread emails the chances are 2,999 of them would be offering be a Rolex or a bigger penis.

Easter eggs already on sale in Tesco

2009 has only just started and the chances are you still have your Christmas decorations up ... but supermarkets have already moved to the next religious cash-in.

Tesco stores across the UK are said to have started putting out their Easter displays complete with Creme eggs, chicks and chocolate rabbits. 

In some branches the displays are even situated next to their Christmas stock of crackers and wrapping paper.

A spokesperson for Tesco said all of their stores across Britain will soon be bringing out their Easter displays.

One shopper said: "This is just surreal, how can the Easter stuff be on the shelves already? Christmas hasn't even finished and they are forcing Easter on us."

Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull was the most blooper laden movie of 2008, it has been claimed.

The £125million Steven Spielberg film which saw Harrison Ford revive his intrepid adventurer character is said to contains whopping 72 errors.

Film website MovieMistakes.com say these range from continuity gaffes to historical errors which eagle-eyed fans have spotted.

The errors includes a scene at the start of the movie where Indy uses his whip to disarm one of the Russians - a wire can be seen which was pulled to 'whip' the gun away.

One rather sad individual even spotted that a tap on a sink in the 1950s kitchen was a model which was not available until 1987.

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